Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy Friday!

I can't believe it's the last day of the year. Oh how it has flown by. Every year seems shorter and shorter. Thanks for the comments yesterday.

@LD Swims: I really should start paying more attention to weekly calories instead of daily. I know that Allan told me the same thing.  I realize that it takes days for the scale to catch up with how you've been eating. After today I am only going to be weighing on Mondays. So that my help with my being down about it all the time.

@Sandy Lee: glad you like the title. haha that's how my head felt yesterday. pure gibber gabber. And actually I have scheduled an appointment for the end of January for a small unfill.

That might sound funny when I have been complaining so much but honestly I can barely eat protein at all because of the tightness. I get stuck pain quite a bit and I can't eat hardly anything but yogurt in the mornings because of it. The healthier the foods, the harder it is to eat. I tried to eat some scrambled eggs this morning and got stuck on the first bite and had to pack it up to take to work and try again later. I get to the point where I am screaming at myself because I am soooo damn frustrated that I keep getting stuck. It's like the band stays irritated the majority of the time. I don't want a big unfill, just enough to take the edge off and maybe allow me to get more protein in.  Maybe like .5cc or something. PLUS my free adjustments will expire in February and I will have to start paying like $200 for every adjustment after that. So I really need to get to a good place before that happens.

Just wanted to say...I hope everyone has a Happy New Year and be safe! Talk to you next year!!!! :)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

jrerrgjgrlgngrjtirutej! yeah whatev!

Yeah...not much to say. Not much at all. I am doing the whole one day at a time stuff right now. I have been pretty back and forth and up and down on losing weight the last few days. I feel determined one day and the next not so much. What is the deal? Why can't I just do it damn it? I know there's no excuse. It's ME! No one else can be blamed but me. My will power is like distant relatives, only comes around for special occasions. It's freaking ridiculous! My head just isn't in it. That's why the all or nothing syndrome has plagued me for so long. Because I will get my head in the game for a few weeks and then ONE little slip up/allowance and I am mudsliding down back to the beginning of the mountain to have to start the hike all over again.

Anyone else watching the new MTV show that premiered last night called "I used to be fat"???? I have been waiting for it to start and I watched it last night and loved it. The girl from last night did really well and ended up losing almost 100 pounds in just 4 months. She busted ass. Now why can't I do that???? I get all super motivated watching shows like that and the Biggest Loser and I tell myself at night..."ok when you wake up in the morning you will do this. You will eat clean healthy foods and exercise for an hour at the gym tomorrow or at home and you are gonna do this!!!!" Then I wake up and am still slightly ready for it (not as much as the night before) and then by lunch I am wavering a bit and break the promise a little and because of that by dinner I am totally unmotivated and have skipped the gym and most of the food I brought to eat healthy throughout the day. Once again back to square one. What the hell is my problem people???? Why can't I do this like you? Is it my head? I am seriously thinking a padded cell is sounding pretty tempting right now or being stranded on an island with Tom Hanks with fish and coconuts. I am so tired of hearing myself complaining about not being able to do this.

Another thing... I don't understand this part. For the most part I don't eat so bad. Compared to how I used to eat pre-band I am an angel now. Even when I "slip up" my calories are still basically low. My metabolism must be completely screwed up.  Like yesterday for example. I had plain greek yogurt with some splenda and 1 tbsp walnuts(about 200 calories). Then for lunch I had about 4 boudain balls with jalapeno ranch dressing (about 250 calories). I had a dr. pepper on ice mid-day (150 calories). Then for dinner I had spinach artichoke dip and tortilla chips from Chili's (sadly about 700 calories). For a grand total of 1300 calories yesterday. This was quite a bit compared to what I usually eat. So that's my stumper. Shouldn't I at least lose a couple of ounces here and there when I'm not being goody good? My calories are almost always still under control even at my worst. It seems like I have to do extra for my body to respond. I know some of you just stick to portion control or about 1300 calories every day and you don't have to pay so much attention to what you eat and you still lose. That doesn't work for me. If I eat remotely unhealthy my body shuts down and either gains or won't budge! I just want you all to know how lucky you are that just cutting portions does the trick for you. Really! I just can't imagine having to eat foods that taste like cardboard for the rest of my life to reap the same benefits that people who eat normally get to enjoy every day. (waaahhh wahhhh wahhhhhhh) haha

Today's menu:

Breakfast: Decaf hot green tea and plain greek yogurt with splenda, banana extract, and 1 tbsp of walnuts.
Lunch: taco salad with chicken fajita probably
Snack: string cheese
Dinner: Salad with tuna and French dressing

Ok. I am done for the day. No more complaining....your ears must be burning from all the fire spewing I've been doing! haha

Monday, December 27, 2010

Thank goodness it's over!

I'm baaaaack! Not like I was gone too too long but never the less I have returned. Christmas was decent for me. Did lots of driving to and from everywhere the entire weekend (my least fav part of the holidays) but the time spent with everyone was very nice. I enjoyed that. I don't have many pictures surprisingly and the few that I do have are blurry so I will spare you all that enjoyment. Sorry! :(

I did my fair share of eating like a frickin maniac over the weekend as well but I promised myself that I would start fresh today and I have. So that's a plus. I didn't take any leftovers from my mom's house. And yesterday I rid the kitchen of all the sweets including the frosted sugar cookies my boss baked that were entirely too decadent for comfort. It felt good to throw it away though. No more little sugary bastards in the kitchen whispering my name....at night.....right before bedtime. No more. I also didn't get nearly enough water in on any of these days. Bummer...

So my fridge and pantry are stocked with yummy healthy foods to cook all week. Last night I baked my mini breakfast quiches for the week and put 2 muffin cups in individual ziploc bags and stuck them in the freezer. I tried them this morning and they were actually very tasty although I don't really care for salty foods in the morning. It will be an adjustment to have these every few days. I also bought 2 large containers of plain greek yogurt and I prepared them last night with 3 splendas and some cinnamon in each one and then seperated them out into 1 cup containers for my daily snack. These 2 items are staples in the South Beach diet. Routine foods work best for me.

I am up a couple of pounds thanks to all of my holiday feasting. (FIGURES) I weighed this morning at 182.2lbs. Not very happy with myself because I said that the 180's were gone for good. Guess I can't say that until I get under 175 for once. Oh well I am feeling good about the start of this thing. I will still be focusing on calories but with more focus on carbs and sugars.

Menu for today:

Breakfast: 2 mini quiche cups made with egg beaters, sliced mushrooms, bell pepper, turkey bacon, and LF shredded cheese. (300cal, <2g carbs)
40oz water
Lunch: 4 grilled garlic lime shrimp, 3oz of sirloin steak, a few bites of lettuce and about 1 tsp jalapeno ranch dressing (285cal, 2g carbs)
40oz water
Snack: plain greek yogurt with some splenda and cinnamon and 1 tbsp of chopped walnuts (186cal, 10g carbs)
16oz water
Dinner: 4oz grilled chicken breast with melted LF cheese, asparagus and 1/4c garbanzos baked with cracked pepper, sea salt, and olive oil (128cal, 9g carbs)
Dessert: Sugar-free fudgesicle (40cal, 10g carbs)

Total calories: 1053 Total Carbs: about 31g
Water: 96oz

I figured out where the legs are to my mini trampolene so I want to put it together tonight and start using it on days I don't go to the gym.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Christmas! Better Early than late!

I am on vacation tomorrow and won't come back to work until Monday so I won't be posting again until then. I wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday weekend to everyone ahead of time. It's been a hectic day today exchanging gifts and goodies has exhausted me and I'm still not done. I get the pleasure of going shopping for some final items when I get off of work and I dread it. Hell, last weekend was asshole to elbow in the stores and it will be even worse today. Aww well, it's my own fault for waiting until the last minute but my brothers are hard to shop for because they are so picky and they are teenage boys. UGH! Not to mention it's my little brother's bday on the 28th so he gets like double presents.

My friend Jessica that I work with got me some new rustic star accent decorations for my house. I have been collecting these here and there because when the hubby and I eventually get our own home I want the rustic country theme all over the house. I love the look so she got me 2 stars for the wall and a hat/coat hook with the 3 star points and then a plaque shaped like a cowboy boot with a metal spur that says "If you don't take off those boots you're gonna get spurred!". I have always asked guests to take their shoes off at the door so this is just perfect for me!

Anyway...enough of that. I will admit my menu plan that I posted for yesterday didn't quite work out the way I typed it. In fact, I didn't eat my yogurt at all. Instead I ate a cookie (like a dumbass) and then once I got home I didn't feel like cooking so the hubby ate leftovers and I ate a couple of slices of turkey breast with some ritz crackers and 1 slice of cheese. Not so bad right? Well then I had to bake brownies for work today so I licked the spoon before I tossed it into the sink. I ate half of a brownie once they came out of the oven (like a dumbass!) because I just had to make sure they tasted ok for everyone. Then I drank 1/2 of a Dr. Pepper the hubby had opened. Then I made ham pinwheels with cream cheese and onion and ate 2 of those because....again...I had to make sure they tasted alright (ha!) and of course they did. So basically I snacked my ass off last night here and there.

Today started off hellacious too. We did our baked goods exchange this morning and had this whole delicous spread set up in our employee lounge for our department. I had a cookie, 2 sausage balls, 1 ham pinwheel, 1/2 pecan sandy, 2 strawberries, and 1/2 of a lemon square. Basically pure junk and tons of sugar. I wonder why I have a migraine??? Hmm...maybe from my blood sugar spiking from overdose. Yeah that's smart, Jessica! And if that's not bad enough...I go to lunch and have a nice array of holiday treats such as: a spoon of green bean casserole, a spoon of broccoli casserole, a spoon of dressing, 1 slice of spiral ham, a spoon of potato salad and another cookie. Yeah can I get some applause here? Anyone? (crickets chirping)

Needless to say I hate myself right now. I can't wait for Monday because this holiday shit will be over with and I will be starting over again for the millionth time. Hopefully my low carb plan is the ticket. If not, I may just throw in the towel will just keep on fighting the fight I've been fighting for the last 12 years. Ya feel me?

Anyway enough of my bitching and moaning. It's Christmas, let's spread joy and cheer! haha

Have a good one lovely people.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

100 Followers!!!!!

Woo hoo! I just saw that as of today I have finally reached 100! It took long enough. I guess I'm not very popular because I have seen some people with like 1000 followers and they have only been blogging as long as or less than me! Oh well I still feel special knowing that 100 people possibly read my words daily. That's neato!

I went shopping yesterday and got a bunch of yummy foods for my soon to be low carb diet (Basically following the South Beach principles). I have decided that I am going to wait until next Monday to start this merely because I am so busy after work every day with finishing up Christmas errands and stuff that I don't have the prep time to start right now. I have devised a plan that on Sundays I will plan out my meals for the week (so I have no excuse to buy food out) and then prepare certain things and freeze them for the week to cut down on cooking. The hubby has to have some kind of starch with every meal so I will be having to prepare seperate meals on some occasions and making my own meals ahead of time will be much more convenient.

But instead of going crazy and using this as an excuse to eat anything and everything in sight I am going back on my Click shakes for the rest of the week and this weekend. I think I will do 2 shakes a day like before and then 1 regular meal. That way I'm not being too over-indulgent in holiday foods. I just don't want to gain the weight back that I lost over the last month in a the span of a week. I have been eating very freely and I don't like the lack of control I feel when I have options all the time. I have realized since doing the shakes and then stopping them that when I plan I stick to. If I don't bring lunch with me to work I am more likely to eat poorly because I have the option to. It's sad but true. In a way I hate that because I hate feeling like I have to constantly plan ahead to stick to this. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do if you want it bad enough! So I will just have to suck it up and deal with it. I have to be a planner and that's that.

Menu for today:

Breakfast: click shake
Lunch: Didn't realize I only enough for one shake today and ended up eating 1/2 of a turkey Quiznos sandwich that was provided by our custodian as a gift to the bank. I ate a couple of original flavored sun chips too. Wasn't very hungry but my stomach said otherwise. I hate that empty, stomach churning feeling you get when you have nothing in your stomach.
Snack: Strawberry greek yogurt with a sprinkle of walnuts
Dinner: click shake

Water: 96oz


That's that! Thank you lovely followers for being so loyal and friendly!!!

Tata for now!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Grandma got runned over by a reindeer...doop doop doop

Well the weekend is over! Blek! It went by quickly as usual. Thanks for the comments on Friday's post!
@Dizzy: you got it girl let's low carb it! For sure! I have to get a shopping list together for tomorrow after work of low carb items and it's on like Donkey Kong then!!! woo hoo!
@Allan: You are too sweet. :)
@ everyone else: Yes, I do believe this plan will make some kind of change. I'm not saying it will be the answer to my prayers but any change in the scale in a downward manner will do!!!

I am kinda running late on my post today. I have been busy at work and my stepfather was in a car accident on Saturday night and fractured a bone in his neck and may possibly have to have surgery. My mom is a nervous wreck because he just survived a brain aneurysm (spelling?) in June and now this. My brothers and sisters are having a hard time with it too. I think he will be fine but with the way this year has gone for my family and alot of others' you never know.

Today is official weigh day for me and as you can see by my ticker I am up a few ounces. I'm not surprised. My weekend was filled with crazy foods and not enough water. But I think things will surely turn around once I start low carbing again!

**Fingers Crossed this will make the difference I've been looking for**

Menu for today: (not the best)

Breakfast: hot chai tea and french vanilla coffeemate
Ran out of time and ended up waiting too long to bring the yogurt I brought. So breakfast was skipped! Doh!
Lunch: 3 spicy boudain balls with jalapeno ranch dressing dip and 1/2 cup of baked potato soup (pure carbs!)
Snack: AGAIN got busy filing and didn't eat my yogurt.
Dinner: Not sure yet

Tonight I will be researching my soon-to-be little ass off for low carb meal plans! I would really like to get into ketosis while doing this but I don't think the south beach is that drastic. I know Atkins is but I just can't handle all the meats, cheeses, and eggs that suggests to eat. Too much!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Hmm....????

Couldn't really think of a clever title post. I feel kinda blah today. I wasn't going to post today because I am in one of "those" moods. You know the "life sucks giant ass right now" moods? Yes Allan, I saw your post about not bitching about stupid things with all of the awful photos like the little boy with half of his head blown off. So no making me feel guilty for complaining please!

I don't actually have much to say but I figured I'd write something anyway since I never post on the weekend and won't post again until probably Monday.

So on the weight loss front: I have decided to discontinue my Click shakes for a while. I have been reading up on the effects of caffeine on weight loss and it describes my situation fairly accurately. I read one passage that said sudden use of weight loss products containing caffeine may yield rapid weight loss temporarily but once your body adjusts to it your losses may stall/plateau. The suggestive solution was to discontinue all caffeinated products and see if you start losing again. This really makes sense to me because I have never been much on sodas or coffee at all. So I think the 10 lbs I lost in the first week of using Click as meal replacements helped me lose quickly but now I am just plain stuck in limbo. I am hovering between 177 and 179 and the scale just will not move no matter how little or how much I eat.

I know my body responds best to high protein, low carb because of my PCOS and insulin resistance. I have attempted it before and failed because I was just never in the right mindset. I didn't want it bad enough then. But I have doing fairly well watching my calories and I think I have some control now. So I am going to see if this may be my solution and maybe the losses will start up again. Sure would be nice!

The disheartening thoughts every time I get on the scale and see no losses really make me cave when it comes to my food choices. I get the point where I am like well if trying my best isn't working then what's the point in not eating the way I am used to if nothing comes of it? That's when the old binge-eater comes out of me and takes over again. I know some of you in blogland have been having this very same issue lately. I have read several blogs over the last couple of days having issues with old habits. The holiday time doesn't help. Especially when you are watching everyone around you eat like frickin pigs and you are supposed to nibble on carrotts and shit.

So I am going to be completely honest here (please don't throw stones bcuz I am a work in progress):

Breakfast: 2 tbsp of gourmet trail mix
Lunch: about 3 slices of a small personal pan spinach alfredo pizza at a local Italian restaurant. I know it was high calorie but I must say this was the best damn pizza I have ever had in my life. It was pure heaven. I wasn't expecting it to be soooo delicious. I'm not a big pizza fan either.
Snack: none
Dinner: Going to eat at Cheddar's. Not sure what. I was thinking maybe potato soup or something light. I looked at the menu online and there's some awesome looking salads. But honestly I am getting burned out on salads. I don't like lettuce all that much and although it doesn't get stuck for me very often it doesn't feel so great going down either. We'll see....

As soon as I throw together a low carb menu and grocery list I am jumping on it. I hope it kick starts something in this damn body. I am sick of stalling.

Well that's all I have for today kiddos! Have a good weekend!