Fun Weekend

Well I had a super full weekend. Friday night I got to hang out with an old friend for her birthday. We got to sit around and talk about memories and what not and that was nice and nostalgic. Then Saturday I went to my work friend's son's birthday party (he turned 1) at Old MacDonald's Farm. There are farm animals for kids to feed and pet and a playground and swimming pool as well. It's pretty neat. They have tame deer and peacocks walking around freely that you can just walk right up to. I am such an animal lover you'd have thought it was my birthday! haha



Precious deer just hanging out by the picnic tables



We had a lot of fun there and I got pics of all the animals. We left and headed straight to the mall for some last minute gift shopping for my sister-in-law's wedding shower. We met up with the rest of the bridal party at Olive Garden and had a late lunch and ended up sitting there for 2 hours laughing and joking and had a great time. My SIL loved her gifts (mostly x-rated romantic toys and lingerie). We left Olive Garden and went to Cindie's Lingerie and gifts to look for her a pink and black corset for her wedding dress. I love that place and we ended up browsing in there for a couple of hours! haha!!! FUN FUN FUN!

Needless to say I was worn out after all the excitement and when I finally got home I cuddled up on the couch to the hubby and we watched some movies (my fav passtime). I am still having a hell of a time with my allergies. I keep a headache in my temples and nose and neck. I started taking Sudafed (I NEVER take pills unless I'm dying) and I tossed and turned all night because of that and literally never got to sleep. I am sick of this shit...like really.

I also managed to gain basically 2 lbs last week. My challenge weigh-in SUCKED at 182lbs! I haven't been drinking water hardly at all. Maybe 1 bottle a day if that. I have been eating whatever and whenever I want. Blah blah blah!

I just want some S.L.E.E.P.!!!

Oreos?

I don't even deserve to write a post today.

Why? You ask.

See below:


Fried Oreo Cookies

That's right...I can't handle the guilt. I ate....them.

Shit....

That is all...

New dress photo

So I got a new bridesmaid dress on Tuesday night at David's Bridal. I am actually thinking I like this one better than the other for more than just the fact that it actually fits. haha! It's watermelon pink and with the difference in price I went ahead and got the black satin heels there too and only paid $23 for them (they were $50 shoes). I think it looks alright.

A little dark but you get the point...

Sooo...I am still off track some but I am not as stressed about it knowing that I have a dress that fits. The wedding is next weekend!!! It seems like it was yesterday I was saying "oh I have 2 months to get fit for the wedding". YEAH, boy, that's a laugh!

Aww well...just for kicks I am posting my menu for today:

Bfast: maple oatmeal with blueberries, walnuts, and a few grapes, and a tiny squirt of Agave nectar and some cranberry juice

Snack: Spiced paprika saltines (friend at work makes them...take saltine crackers and toss them in a bag with a blend of olive oil, paprika, red crushed pepper seeds and some ranch powder) DELICIOUS!

Lunch: 3 boudain balls and 2 tbsp of jalapeno ranch dressing

Snack: small quakers granola and raisin bar, 1 small piece of dark chocolate

Dinner: steaks with brown rice and creamy pepper gravy, asparagus cuts

That is all for now...Have a good day!

how time flies...

I really didn't realize until over the weekend that I hadn't posted in 11 days. I thought it was more like 5 or 6. Wow can we say "avoidance"? Geesh Thanks for the comments though, appreciate it. Allan, you are too funny. I am so very glad you enjoy my bikini shots (at least someone does). I will probably have plenty more during the summer months (if I get my ass in gear and lose more weight).

I went ahead and bought me a couple  of Smart Ones meals and a few Healthy Choice meals just to have around for convenience. I was thinking maybe if I have those around for when I am lazy and don't want to cook it will help me not binge on take out. We'll see....

I did my challenge weigh-in yesterday and it was 180.2lbs. I only lost like 4oz last week, which is actually pretty great based on all the utter crap I ate all week. No exercise, no eating right. Hell, that's lucky! I am going one day after work this week to get a different dress for the wedding next weekend. I tried the one I had ordered from David's bridal on last week and it wouldn't zip STILL. In fact, there was even less room than when I tried it on at the store!!! Well SHIT! I knew that was coming. So instead of stressing every day about it until the wedding and hoping and praying I lose enough inches in the next 2 weeks I am just going to get something that fits RIGHT NOW. That way if I lose weight by then, oh well if it's a little loose. Better loose than too tight. I would be so killing myself if I kept this dress and it didn't fit on the wedding day.

Anyway...I'm working on things. Day by day....meal by meal. That's all I can do right now. I started getting sick on Thursday and now I have a full blown cold. Sandpaper in my throat, awful cough, stuffy and runny nose all at once and extreme tiredness and it feels like my eyes are softballs.  UGH! This does not help my motivation for losing right now.

Have you ever...???

Ok. I realize I haven't posted since Sunday but I honestly just haven't had much of anything interesting to talk about. I am not doing so well on my challenge. I haven't weighed since Sunday but I am pretty sure I haven't lost an ounce! I SUCK! Which brings me to this question:

Have any of you ever tried the delivery meals or pre-prepared meal plans where your food is already made for you and portioned out and stuff??? I see in my magazines all the time that celebrities use those delivery services to keep in shape and eating right because it takes off the pressure of having to cook a bunch of meals and the convenience factor too. I am thinking of trying this out. I feel like I have reached the end of my rope on this crap.

I am on some crazy ass emotional rollercoaster and the weight loss just isn't kicking in because, quite frankly, I don't give a shit enough to let it. I have finally come to terms with this. I just don't think I am caring enough to make this work. I have definitely become complacent with where I am and I hate that because I truly want to move on. It's like a have a split personality or something. The angel me is on one shoulder saying "Jessica, get in gear and get this weight off...you will be so happy/healthy when you do" and on the other side is the demon me saying "Hey, you are fine where ya are. Don't try so hard. No biggy if ya stay right here." And guess what, the demon is easier to listen to and it's definitely been winning the battle.

Anyway....I just wanted to let everyone know, yes I am still alive and kicking....

Today is my hubby's birthday and we are going out tomorrow night to celebrate with a bunch of our friends. Should be a wonderful time.

Have a good weekend. 

Challenge Week 1 Weigh IN

Short and err...bitter??? I don't have time to find my scale picture I took for the challenge but my weigh-in yesterday was

181.0lbs



UGH!!! Thanks salt, fat, and carbs! Thanks a bunch. I really appreciated your company over the last week and the weekend. It was just swell! But you are wearing out your stay and your ass needs to go! Tata for now!

Bu-bye

What in the world???

Is anyone else having trouble with blogger? For the last couple of weeks I have been having technical things going on like when I go to write a new post it won't load all of the tool bar above and so it just keeps pending. Then in the middle of reading posts the comment box will disappear and I can't comment. It's like it just comes and goes throughout the day. This is really starting to tick me the hell off!

Now that I've fumed about that. I wanted to say thanks to everyone's comments from my last post. Allan, you are too funny and slightly pervy...haha!!! You crack me up! As always your wonderful comments are very uplifting.

I wasn't feeling well yesterday. I kept having this pain shoot through my right cheekbone and into my ear. Everyone is getting flu-like symptoms around here and I BETTER NOT be getting sick! I just felt shitty all day and I decided I would suck ass and order Mexican food and gorge (kinda). I ordered a dish called the Brian's special and it comes layered as a dip with ground beef, refried beans, and mexican cheese. Obviously I ate several chips with it. Afterwards I felt liked I'd just been wiped off of someone's shoe. I took a nap and just felt awful. To top it off I ate a weight watchers fudge bar a few hours later for dessert. UGH! haha...but I have been thinking alot about what you all keep drilling telling me about. That I need to stop being so hard on myself about every single thing I don't feel is up to par.

I HAVE made progrees (slowly but true)
I HAVE lost inches from working out.
I CAN continue on and get to my goal (maybe just not as quickly as some)
I DO feel more confident than ever NOW.
I SHOULD be happy with where I am because HERE isn't so bad after all.


I want to keep going but the more I look at my pictures and read your comments about what you think of my progress I am starting to realize that maybe that's why I have been stuck in the 170's since last July. Maybe because when I look at myself I don't feel DISGUSTED anymore. I am giving myself more inner compliments than before. Maybe I am slacking off of losing more weight because I unconciously don't really mind where I am at. I think I honestly feel like my mini goal of 150 is unattainable. I don't know why. It's not that I think I CAN'T do it. It's that I feel like I WON'T do it. I am worried I will keep self sabotaging because I don't mind being 170-something lbs if I look like this. I realize that I don't LOOK like I weigh that much. I hear it all the time. Maybe that's given me a lame excuse to not keep trying. Like I'm telling myself "Well why bother, everyone thinks you look great. You're fine here."

Really, I want to make it to my goals because I want to prove to myself that it's possible. That I am strong enough to do it. It just seems like that day may never come. I don't intend on quitting by any means but I am tired of constantly worrying about it all. It's a worry that never leaves. I am ALWAYS thinking about what to do next, what to eat next, what exercise I should do next. It gets so damn old always obsessing abou it. So I am going to promise myself to go with the flow more and stop being such a stick in the ass in this process.

So there...

Have a great weekend...

The end!