Monday, May 16, 2011

10 days since last confession...

Well, yes, I am still around. I have been trying to keep up with everyone's posts. I must admit I have lost interest in posting for myself just because I don't have any good news to share on the weight loss front. And because of that I feel like there's not many topics I can visit without feeling like a loser. (not fishing for compliments, just stating the facts)

I have been going up and down on the scale (mostly up) and managed to gain back 14lbs from my lowest of 175lbs. You do the math and that's where I've been sitting now for the last week or two. I ATTEMPTED for the last month...or two... to start the Primal diet, the South Beach diet, the Atkins diet (see the low carb trend here?) and had an excuse every day of why I couldn't whether it be not having money at the moment to buy the RIGHT groceries from the food list to not feeling it's the right time because of too many events on my calendar. So when I did have the money I would still buy junk, when I did buy the RIGHT foods I still didn't eat it (no time to cook was the excuse on that one). And when I did attempt to eat the right stuff I would make it to dinner and then go crazy and eat like a maniac. Sooo...

I hate to have to admit it for the millionth  time, but low-carb just isn't for me. I just can't do it. I know some of you have had great success so far and I am sure I could too if I tortured myself to get through it for a while but I know, without a doubt, that I could never stick to it for the rest of my life and that would just lead to a regain plus more once I quit doing it. So I have gone back to the roots of weight loss, the science which is...

calories in vs. calories out

Honestly, this is just the only way I think I can survive. I MUST count calories. It's the only way I can feel less deprived and less psycho about losing. That's what was working for me when I hit my lowest a few months ago and  it can be slow-moving but it's what works. It's one method that's been around forever and has been proven to work many times over.  My vice is hitting a plateau and giving up all hope within a few days of it. That's my problemo. The halt. The end. The dreaded plateau. I must learn to push through it. I have to get to where even if the scale stops moving for a while I still hit the ground running. I need to be less obsessed with the numbers and more watchful of the inches and how my clothes are fitting.

I must do something because it has been scary the last few weeks watching the scale climb up rapidly. I could feel myself losing control and literally see myself swelling up back to the size I started at. Sad process, that's for sure. I have been watching my eating for the last few days and lost a couple of lbs but who knows how accurate that is after all my binging for the last weeks. And because of my eating I stopped weighing regularly because of course I didn't want to see what I weighed because I knew it went up. Classic.

(brief pause because I got busy at work)

It is truly so messed up at how lazy I am. I am sitting here eating a Chobani yogurt and a few almonds and can't help but thinking 'gah, I dread having to be committed to a program'. How unbelievably lazy is this???
I dread having to watch what I eat and plug in food to a calorie counter 3 times a day, and I hate knowing that if I want results I have to go home and exercise. Why can't I enjoy the process damn it??? Why can't I just be grateful that I have been blessed with a body that is able to change if I let it? Nope, instead I want to be lazy and stuff myself to the brim and then whine when my body is overrun by fat? Looney tunes, that's what that is.

Ok. I'm done rambling....for today anyway.


  1. "diets" suck and I can not do them anymore. Just a hint of a 'diet' type of tool will turn me into rebellious teenager in about 2 seconds flat. Have you tried making teensy tiny small changes? You have a fantastic tool inside of you, you shouldn't have to 'diet'!! Right? Yes, eat the right foods, write down what you eat, drink your water...but other than that? It's all lifestyle. It's not a diet. (Really...don't tell me it is or I'm bound to gain 5 lbs just to rebel!!)
    You can do it Jess. Just don't think of it as a diet. Don't do extreme things. Small changes, meal by meal, day by day. And just go for a walk or a bike ride. There is no rush to do this...we have these bands for the long haul.

  2. I completely know what you are talking about. I also just want to not have to think about it and be a normal weight. But that's just not my lot in life! However, I am super funny .. so it all evens out ;)

    Keep going .. you can do it!

  3. I totally know you can do this and you need to stop beating yourself up so much...this is a journey and you'll be on it forever just like the rest of us so figuring out what works and what doesn't is just all part of the process...loves you!

  4. Just remember how you felt when you had your mojo and you were working it. You didn't think it sucked then. It is just hard when you're feeling discouraged to look and feel like you have so much to do, but I know you can do this!

    What about a fill? Do you need one? Don't forget to use your tool.

    I never diet. I always eat what I want. I just eat much smaller quantities. Most people who do low carb gain when they resume normal eating. It just isn't realistic.

  5. I feel you...I know I need to get a small small fill but to tell you the truth I've been ENJOYING eating again. Ha. Funny how I missed it.

  6. I can't do low carb either. Seems like most of us can't. Doesn't make us failures, just makes us different. I've been trying to do primal, just because I'm freaked by the amount of chemicals in prepackaged foods. But moderation is the key to success! You're not're discouraged. There's a big difference. When I started losing weight, the first thing I did was pick one change to make every week. It didn't quite work out the way I thought it would but approaching the changes in that way made it easier to stick to because I wouldn't start something new until I conquered one. I actually need to start over again. But I'm OK with that because I know it works. Maybe try a staggered approach. One change a week or every couple weeks. You can do this!

  7. Congratulations on your success so far! :) Thanks for the add! I just started following you too!

  8. I know how you feel, counting calories is such a drag. This whole process has been about little steps each week that {hopefully} add up to big results. I can't wait for the day that I don't have to apply so much energy and effort to all of this!

  9. I just found your blog. I look forward to reading further. I was banded on March 23rd, 2010. *Maria*-DiZneDiVa:Blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp..." Follow my journey at


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