Well, yes, I am still around. I have been trying to keep up with everyone's posts. I must admit I have lost interest in posting for myself just because I don't have any good news to share on the weight loss front. And because of that I feel like there's not many topics I can visit without feeling like a loser. (not fishing for compliments, just stating the facts)
I have been going up and down on the scale (mostly up) and managed to gain back 14lbs from my lowest of 175lbs. You do the math and that's where I've been sitting now for the last week or two. I ATTEMPTED for the last month...or two... to start the Primal diet, the South Beach diet, the Atkins diet (see the low carb trend here?) and had an excuse every day of why I couldn't whether it be not having money at the moment to buy the RIGHT groceries from the food list to not feeling it's the right time because of too many events on my calendar. So when I did have the money I would still buy junk, when I did buy the RIGHT foods I still didn't eat it (no time to cook was the excuse on that one). And when I did attempt to eat the right stuff I would make it to dinner and then go crazy and eat like a maniac. Sooo...
I hate to have to admit it for the millionth time, but low-carb just isn't for me. I just can't do it. I know some of you have had great success so far and I am sure I could too if I tortured myself to get through it for a while but I know, without a doubt, that I could never stick to it for the rest of my life and that would just lead to a regain plus more once I quit doing it. So I have gone back to the roots of weight loss, the science which is...
calories in vs. calories out
Honestly, this is just the only way I think I can survive. I MUST count calories. It's the only way I can feel less deprived and less psycho about losing. That's what was working for me when I hit my lowest a few months ago and it can be slow-moving but it's what works. It's one method that's been around forever and has been proven to work many times over. My vice is hitting a plateau and giving up all hope within a few days of it. That's my problemo. The halt. The end. The dreaded plateau. I must learn to push through it. I have to get to where even if the scale stops moving for a while I still hit the ground running. I need to be less obsessed with the numbers and more watchful of the inches and how my clothes are fitting.
I must do something because it has been scary the last few weeks watching the scale climb up rapidly. I could feel myself losing control and literally see myself swelling up back to the size I started at. Sad process, that's for sure. I have been watching my eating for the last few days and lost a couple of lbs but who knows how accurate that is after all my binging for the last weeks. And because of my eating I stopped weighing regularly because of course I didn't want to see what I weighed because I knew it went up. Classic.
(brief pause because I got busy at work)
It is truly so messed up at how lazy I am. I am sitting here eating a Chobani yogurt and a few almonds and can't help but thinking 'gah, I dread having to be committed to a program'. How unbelievably lazy is this???
I dread having to watch what I eat and plug in food to a calorie counter 3 times a day, and I hate knowing that if I want results I have to go home and exercise. Why can't I enjoy the process damn it??? Why can't I just be grateful that I have been blessed with a body that is able to change if I let it? Nope, instead I want to be lazy and stuff myself to the brim and then whine when my body is overrun by fat? Looney tunes, that's what that is.
Ok. I'm done rambling....for today anyway.