Friday, August 24, 2012

Broke Joke and MK

Well, as we all know, one of the best excuses for not following your plan = what? Money???? Yes, that's right. That's my story and I am sticking to it....for now clinging for dear life. Ya know what I hate? I hate it when your husband doesn't want to eat your plan too and then that means you get to look forward to making 2 meals at a time all the time. My husband's favorite veggies are the bad ones and I love the green stuff and he wants to have 2 side dishes at dinner (anything less and he says it's a snack, not a meal and that I am trying to starve him...drama king) so that means 3 or 4 side dishes a meal!!! That gets expensive. Especially when I have to cook for 6 people even though there is only 2 of us. He eats 2 servings most of the time and then must have extras for lunch the next day. It's exhausting. How do people with kids do it? I feel like I buy enough food for an army and it barely lasts a week! GEESH!

Anyway I must figure all of this out. In the mean time I saw someone posting about their cosmetic ordeal and it reminded me....I forgot to mention in my recent come-back post that I have been a Mary Kay Consultant since March. I have my own website and at first, I was really going all out and hitting the business hard core and making great progress but I have backed away from it a bit and now I just deal with my regular customers and sometimes stumble across new ones here and there. But anyhoo....I would be totally willing to do a 15% off "Bloggerbuddy" discount for those of you wanting to buy anything. So feel free to take a look and let me know. You can register on my website (free) and place orders there if you like. Make sure you put "bloggerbuddy" in the comment box if you place an order so I will know to apply your discount. There is also a virtual makeover tool on the site that allows you to apply several looks to your own picture so you know what colors you like best. It's very nifty! Feel free to ask me anything.

Back to the work horse! ugh!


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Same old dreary...

I am so tired today....I feel pre-coma. This sucks. I have been living off of coke's this week because why? I have a great excuse. Wanna hear it? I can't go grocery shopping for all the healthy stuff until tomorrow afternoon so why not eat like crap all week and continue to drink liquid cocaine? Why not?!


Very nice.....

And to top it all off, I failed to mention in my come-back post that I finally have some idea of my paternal family history. See, before I didn't really know my dad's medical history or my grandparents' medical history. Well, I don't know if I ever mentioned the fact that I have always had stomach problems...for the longest time thinking that my nervous stomach stemmed from my anxieties (which it does play a part) but I find out from my grandmother recently that IBS runs in our family and that her father, herself, and my uncle all have been diagnosed with IBS. Now years ago, I researched my symtoms I have had since I was a teenager and everything pointed to IBS but I refused to go poop in a cup to confirm it. So I chalked it up to nervous stomach and anxiety. From what I have read recently about IBS, it goes hand and hand with anxiety and most people with IBS have anxiety too. It all seems to be making since now.

My father died because he was diagnosed with HEP C when he was in his 20's. The HEP C turned into cirrhosis of the liver and from there became metastatic liver cancer that created tumor masses in his esophagus and small intestines. He contracted the HEP C from either tattoo needles or drug usage. He was only 44 years old when he died. So where there is slight relief in knowing that his cancer was not genetic it doesn't go far because I found out that both of my great-grandparents (my grandma's parents) died from cancer. This knowlege only adds to my existing anxiety problems. And now I am almost certain I have IBS and am terrified that it will morph into something fatal one day. So it's been a vicious cycle. I would really like to go see a professional for some guidance on my issues or even medication because they are only getting worse as I get older. My mind races non stop and in one word my thoughts are "unbareable" at best.

Wow, that was a little heavy huh?

Moving on, As I mentioned above my diet is still NOT a diet at all and that must change. The BFF's bday is next month and we both promised ourselves that we would lose at least a million pounds by then (FAIL!). Time is not on our sides so we have GOT TO GET WITH THE PROGRAM ALREADY!!!!!! Dude! Come on!!!!! eek!!!!

Anyway that's my bitching for the day. Until next time.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Yes, I am back!

Wow, Ok. I don't even know how long it has been. Something told me to log in today for the first time in ages and seeing all my old peeps still hanging strong out here really brought me back to the blogging days and how it helped keep me stay on track (for a while). I think I will ring back in for now. I will say this....I have totally back-tracked on my weight loss. WAY BACK TRACKED!!!! As in gained ALL my weight back plus a few pounds. Very embarrassing (shoot me now). I literally just completely gave up and ate myself into a marshallow-covered-in-chicken-wire oblivion. I was having all kinds of troubles with my band, got sick of getting stuck on EVERYTHING, was in the process of getting it removed until they slapped me with a quote of $5000 for the removal and I was like! So I had a complete unfill about 5 or 6 months ago and everything has been peach pie since (no more stuck! thank God!). And no, the unfill did not cause the weight gain. I have been back at square one since way before the unfill and it SUCKS royal ass.

Just a quick break down of my life lately. I started talking to my father again last year after about 13 years of no contact with him and he passed away this May with cancer. Very sudden and very awful. I have accepted it and am just grateful that I got to know him for a year before he was gone. I believe it was meant to be that I just decided to write him a letter one day and things went from there otherwise the opportunity would have been loss. At least now I have that memory of him.

My husband and I have been working on buying our first home since March of this year. PAIN IN THE BU-DONK! We have jumped through a gazillion hoops and now have a bid in on a wonderful brick home and (fingers crossed) God willing we will get in it.

Work is the same...I am still at the bank...still pulling my freakin hair out. Still letting food be my bestest friend (will I ever learn), still a food addict (it's a disease I tell you!!!) and still crazy. Yes all of those things. It's very frustrating and whatnot and blah blah blah. I'll spare you the complete sob story.

I was just looking at this new blogger layout and saw that my blog had been viewed 18 times today. The most popular post for today was one which involved a photo of me in a bikini last year and me talking about how my boobs were flattened because it was made for a kid. (HA!!!) If only I could go back to that day, kick myself in the arse and say "WAKE UP! You are rockin' this" maybe I wouldn't have tiptoed backwards. Hell, wait, tiptoed? More like sprinted! GEEZ!

Anyway...conveniently enough I have jump started my journey today to lose the weight....once again...for the millionth time...again!!!! Meanwhile, I have gone to pee about 7 times today because I have drank 4 bottles of water since I got to work. No biggy, you say? Well it is a big deal when  you consider the fact that I haven't drank a full bottle of water in one day in months. Yes I became a coca cola whore and a sweet tea addict (possibly contributing to 50% of my weight gain). I have also stuck every carb known to man in my mouth on a daily basis. Complete lack of give-a-crap on my part. You know at least last year when I was blogging I may have been back and forth on my weight loss journey but I always came back regularly....I would try and then not and try and then not. But this time around I completely STOPPED. Fully haulted all weight loss efforts and didn't care anymore and now I have fat in places I have never had fat before....more hail damage than ever before....OMG! No lie! It's literally scary to see myself naked. (sighs. hangs head in shame). I see these pictures from last year and could just barf! I thought I had soooo much more to go last year and boy, I didn't know what the hell I was thinking.

But anyway enough pity! I just wanted to say hello to everyone and say that I am back....if anyone has read this whole thing...thank you for hanging in there! haha

Until next time.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011

Run, run, run away!

So the husband got my treadmill on Saturday night and was setting it up when I got home. It's a really nice treadmill. We picked it out together several weeks ago and it's basically a Christmas gift that we both wanted. He wanted the Flex belt for ABS (I told him those things don't work but he insisted they do...). Good for him. We shall see how well that thing just "makes" abs without the heart rate being raised. If it was that easy we would all be supermodels, I say.

So to celebrate the purchase of that demonic contraption I will be learning how to run on...I went out yesterday and got me some runnin' shoes! Yepperz....they sure are purty and pretty darn comfy, I might add. I tested them out last night on the dready (pet name for the demonic treadmill) and it went well as it could go anyway. I mean I was huffin and puffin at .5 speed and 0 incline.....haha Not really....that would be sad. I look up at the husband and say it's time to tape the girls down because I can't run with them smacking me in the face. He said he doesn't ever remember seeing me run in the 8 years we have been together. I can believe it. I hate running. I told him the Biggest Loser contestants can run at like a 7 while they are training and I attempted that. *Note to self....7.0 is no bueno for Jessica at this point in time. I literally almost buckled and slid off. I am SOOOOO out of shape right now. I don't think I have actually worked out for real in several months. Up until last week my two friends and I were walking 4 miles about 4 nights a week. That did wonders for my calves but not much else. I wasn't getting a burn or anything really. I feel fatter than ever...literally. I don't think I have EVER had this much fat accumulated on my body at once even pre-band. Damn damn damn....

Time to get it poppin'

Thursday, December 8, 2011

New Orleans...Bourbon St

Oh yes, I figured while I am on a roll and all with my sharing stuff after my 5 month disappearance...My friends and I just returned from our trip to New Orleans on Monday. It was only a weekend trip but it seemed like it lasted a week. It was a good time as usual. We got lots of cute and somewhat drunken pictures....haha. We went to the St Louis Cemetary 1 and I got pictures of Nicolas Cage's pyramid tomb and Maria Laveau's. Very interesting....Anyhoo

I figured you are all probably just dying to know how I am looking these days (don't get too excited...I'm not) so I am going to post some pictures of me trying on my outfits I bought to wear in NOLA. Here we go...

Friday Night


Saturday Night


Hello again....

Well, it's only been centuries since I posted anything. I almost gave up on it all, honestly. I have been guilty of lurking in the shadows and reading some posts every once in a blue moon (not very often actually). I just got depressed reading about everyone's "journey" and realizing that my journey has been put in reverse for a while now. Technically not a damn drop of progress made. I am still in this "rut" in the realm of fat where everyone resembles marshmallows with eyeballs and boobs. I have lost myself for the hundredth time. I am sick of it. And on top of it all, not that I blame anyone at all, I am losing followers too. Oh yes, my number is slowling decreasing. What's wrong with you people? You don't enjoy following someone on a blog that never....blogs??? hahaha Yeah I don't blame you.

Here's a plus in my cards....I am buying a really nice treadmill this weekend with the hubby as an early Christmas present to ourselves. Question is...will have the balls to use it?