Thursday, February 18, 2010

Down another pound :)

I am very pleased to have accumulated a couple followers on my blog! Thank you all who joined me! I am just blown away that I am getting banded Wednesday!!!!! Freaking out! Everyone keeps asking me if I am nervous and I don't really know what to say about it. I don't really feel nervous so much as I feel fearful. I have never been in a hospital before and or under anesthesia. But I am more fearful that something will go wrong with the band, like slippage or something. I have been reading people's stories on the internet and alot of them have had issues with slippage and erosion and had to be unfilled for a while and on liquids and then possibly even have the band removed. That scares me a bit, that and I know it seems shallow based on all that I am doing this for but I am really worried about SCARS!!!! I do heal well, fortunately, but I am sooooo very afraid that these scars will be very noticeable. I would love to be back in a bikini some day. I can't find much on the net as far as before and after pictures go for scars so it worries me. But I just push that thought behind me because the band will be worth it!
I have been doing farely well on my pre op diet. I basically follow it like 95% of the time. I have had a few small cheats like last night I ate a couple ounces of cheddar cheese (I am a cheese-aholic!) hehe But I limit myself. But I have yet to cheat with carbs, which from what I have read, that is a plus. I just get so bored with the same old chicken and broccoli so last night I went the grocery store and got some mixed veggies to steam and some sugar-free popcicles and Jello to snack on (it's allowed). I bought a rotisserie style chicken breast for dinner last night and since the hubby is on nights I only cook for myself right now. I think I ate too much chicken!!! I am only allowed 4oz but I ate for like 7oz!!!! I was sooooo hungry.

I stepped on the scale this morning and I am down 1 more pound! 3 more to go to make my ten for pre op! yay. Thought I would put up some pics too! I want to have plenty BEFORE pics of me to compare to! So here's a few.
December 2008 in New Orleans Partying on Bourbon Street!
Me and my baby chi chi named Fancy in January 2009 first snow we saw in years!!!
Me at Kemah Boardwalk for my 23rd Bday June 2009
August 2009 at a bar for my friend Ashley's bday party!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Count down: 8 days til surgery!

Happy belated V-Day! Thank goodness for a long weekend! It flew by as usual. But I think I did pretty well as far as the pre op diet goes. I did have a couple of cheats here and there but I kept the portion to a minimum and it was only once a day. I have lost 6lbs as of yesterday. So I have 8 days to lose another 4lbs to meet the requirements! yipee! I am very excited and a little nervous. He he, surgery is a scary thought, no matter how minor it is. But I am staying positive and telling myself it will all work out just fine!

Also, my hubby and I had a great Valentine's Day. We didn't go all out or anything but we did go trade in his old truck and bought a new truck! Chevy Silverado, very nice. He got me this lil stuffed devil and when you squeeze its foot his pitchfork spins and displays an LED show that says "I love you, XOXO, you're the greatest!" And it sings a rock n' roll love song. It's adorable. We spent the night laying on the couch and watching Prison Break episodes that we are addicted to. YAY!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Gotta get on the ball!

Ok. So I wasn't so good last night after all. My BFF and I went shopping and I ended up talking her into going to Golden Corral for my final food binge. I seriously can't cheat anymore or I am going to end up sabotaging myself and ruining my chances of getting banded. That would be devastating! I now only have 12 days left to make up for all the food I guzzled down last night. Breads, mac and cheese, pasta salad, potato, etc, etc, etc! Not good, I hate that I am addicted to carbs of all things. Basically what I shouldn't have is what I love the most. It sucks! But I have been good today and I plan on staying that way.

What's really hard is that I ordered a dozen chocolate covered strawberries for me and my hubby for Valentine's Day and they are being delivered to my job today! OHHHH my gosh!!!!! What will I do???? Nope I must resist temptation. Anyhoo....this is the menu for today:
B: 12oz Gladiator Protein Shake (strawberry flavored)
L: 4oz grilled chicken breast strips and 2 cups of steamed broccoli
D: will have another 12oz Gladiator Protein Shake
And about seven 16oz bottles of water throughout all of that. Extreme Low carb per doctor's orders

Going to see Chris Young in concert tonight at the rodeo. Yee haw!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Pre-op consultation with the Doc!

I went to my preop consult with the doctor yesterday. I was actually surprised because there was a group of ten of us preop patients who are all getting banded around the same time so they spoke to us in a group. We talked to one of the advocates for a couple of hours and then the doc came and told us the technical version of everything. But I had all of my questions answered and the majority of the staff there has been banded themselves and love sharing their own personal journeys with everyone. I was supposed to begin my preop diet yesterday and I did well up until dinner time!!!!!! Yikes! That didn't go so well. I was STARVING by the time I got off of work and I just couldn't take it.....

So, I ordered a burger and fries from my favorite burger place!!!! I know I know, sooooo bad. Then when I got home I devoured it in what seemed like a few bites. I instantly became super TIRED and passed out on the couch for over 2 hours. (Probably has something to do with my insulin levels thanks to my PCOS) Anyhoo...when I woke up I was wide awake and hungry again! And of course I had already messed up with the burger and fries so I decided I wanted some pizza rolls and a couple of cookies. And I was still HUNGRY!

I decided to make a fresh start today as my time is running out for my pre op diet. I have already wasted a day. So I have done it by the book so far. I bought muscle milk protein drinks (on the list from the doctor) and drank 16oz at breakfast and then 16oz at lunch and I have already drank like 4 bottles of water. I have to drink half of my body weight in ounces each day so that's like 6.5 bottles of water each day. :( Ugh! I am just STARVING though! This is sooooo hard and I keep thinking "hey, look, if it was soooo easy to limit my calories like this and cut out all carbs, fat, and sugar then I wouldn't need the band!!!!!" I honestly don't see how people survive this preop diet. I am starting to think maybe I am not cut out for it. I just don't know. All I can think about is the food I can't have and that I want soooo badly. I can almost taste it!!!! Oh my GOSH!!!! I am going insane over this! I can't believe my food addiction is this bad. How will I complete this right?????? What if I can't lose the 10 pounds I am required to and they cancel my surgery or what if my liver is too fatty? I just keep saying to myself, just today, I will eat Golden Corral/China Ko, just today and then start "for real" tomorrow. But then tomorrow never comes. Which is how every other diet in my life has gone wrong. I just can't control myself and it's sad but in that moment when I am literally CRAVING that food, nothing else matters to me. It just takes over! What will I do?????? My BFF and my other buddies are on my case and telling me NO, I can't have that food and that I gotta stay on track but they are all thin and aren't addicted to food. Well my BFF understands but she doesn't have to start her pre op diet until next month so she has nooooo idea how hard this is. FREAKING OUT!!!!! And those God awful muscle milk drinks are disgusting. I cringe just looking at them. It's like flavored chalk! I also tried the EAS Myoplex chocolate and vanilla and they are just as gross! So after work my BFF and I are going to go to Smoothie King and buy the Gladiator protein powder (also on the list from the doc) and see if that tastes any better. I just don't know! We shall see if my dinner stays on track or takes a turn south!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Sorrow begets me

My dear grandmother passed away Saturday February 6, 2010. I am devastated to the point of sickness. I loved her so much and I honestly don't know how I will live without her. My heart is broken right now and I am trying to pick up the pieces. The service is tomorrow and the following day I must go meet with the surgeon for my consultation. I am hoping that by losing my appetite already I can successfully start the pre-op diet on Wednesday as required and complete it. This is an awful time for my family and I and it seems like now more than ever I am conflicted. One hour I feel just sick in the pit of my stomach and the next I want to eat my pain away. I have always eaten my feelings (happy, sad, angry, thrilled,etc) and I realize how hard it will be to discontinue that even with the band. The mind still wants what the body can't handle. But I know she is in such a better place and she has missed our lost loved one soooo much for soooo long that I am relieved for her in a way. I just miss her.


Friday, February 5, 2010

Not going so great

Well, I planned on starting my pre-op diet on Wednesday the 3rd but with all the stress I am going through right now I just can't seem to stay focused on it. I only have to do it for 2 weeks prior to surgery so technically I don't have to start it until next Wed. but I wanted to get a jump start because I have to lose ten pounds by the day of surgery or the doctor might postpone or even cancel the surgery. So I am concerned about that. My grandmother is doing slightly better as of yesterday but she is still very fragile and I am on edge concerned about her. I worry that her heart is sooo weak. I am trying to stay positive. So I am not sure when I will start my diet but it has to be soon.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Pre-op Diet begins tomorrow...

Well alot has happened since my last post only a few short days ago. My grandmother went into the hospital last Thursday (same day as my preop tests). She means the world to me so I have been dealing with alot of stress and worry. She was in the ICU for 5 days with heart issues and many more issues but they moved her to a regular room last night and she is improving slowly. For a minute there I thought I might lost her and I am still terrified that it could be a possibility. So please keep her in your prayers if you read this. I am not ready to let her go, she has years and years to go, I believe. And unfortunately this difficult time is going to make it even harder to stick to a pre-op diet when I am so stressed. But I must remember why I am doing it and go with it.
The pre-op diet will consist of: 2 meal replacement protein shakes and 1 meal of 6 oz lean protein and unlimited green veggies, and 1 cup of fruit. I am also allowed sugar-free jello and fat-free pudding once a day as a snack or mixed with my protein drinks. I also have to exercise 3 days a week for 30 minutes.
It all starts tomorrow, so to be continued.....