Thursday, February 11, 2010

Pre-op consultation with the Doc!

I went to my preop consult with the doctor yesterday. I was actually surprised because there was a group of ten of us preop patients who are all getting banded around the same time so they spoke to us in a group. We talked to one of the advocates for a couple of hours and then the doc came and told us the technical version of everything. But I had all of my questions answered and the majority of the staff there has been banded themselves and love sharing their own personal journeys with everyone. I was supposed to begin my preop diet yesterday and I did well up until dinner time!!!!!! Yikes! That didn't go so well. I was STARVING by the time I got off of work and I just couldn't take it.....

So, I ordered a burger and fries from my favorite burger place!!!! I know I know, sooooo bad. Then when I got home I devoured it in what seemed like a few bites. I instantly became super TIRED and passed out on the couch for over 2 hours. (Probably has something to do with my insulin levels thanks to my PCOS) Anyhoo...when I woke up I was wide awake and hungry again! And of course I had already messed up with the burger and fries so I decided I wanted some pizza rolls and a couple of cookies. And I was still HUNGRY!

I decided to make a fresh start today as my time is running out for my pre op diet. I have already wasted a day. So I have done it by the book so far. I bought muscle milk protein drinks (on the list from the doctor) and drank 16oz at breakfast and then 16oz at lunch and I have already drank like 4 bottles of water. I have to drink half of my body weight in ounces each day so that's like 6.5 bottles of water each day. :( Ugh! I am just STARVING though! This is sooooo hard and I keep thinking "hey, look, if it was soooo easy to limit my calories like this and cut out all carbs, fat, and sugar then I wouldn't need the band!!!!!" I honestly don't see how people survive this preop diet. I am starting to think maybe I am not cut out for it. I just don't know. All I can think about is the food I can't have and that I want soooo badly. I can almost taste it!!!! Oh my GOSH!!!! I am going insane over this! I can't believe my food addiction is this bad. How will I complete this right?????? What if I can't lose the 10 pounds I am required to and they cancel my surgery or what if my liver is too fatty? I just keep saying to myself, just today, I will eat Golden Corral/China Ko, just today and then start "for real" tomorrow. But then tomorrow never comes. Which is how every other diet in my life has gone wrong. I just can't control myself and it's sad but in that moment when I am literally CRAVING that food, nothing else matters to me. It just takes over! What will I do?????? My BFF and my other buddies are on my case and telling me NO, I can't have that food and that I gotta stay on track but they are all thin and aren't addicted to food. Well my BFF understands but she doesn't have to start her pre op diet until next month so she has nooooo idea how hard this is. FREAKING OUT!!!!! And those God awful muscle milk drinks are disgusting. I cringe just looking at them. It's like flavored chalk! I also tried the EAS Myoplex chocolate and vanilla and they are just as gross! So after work my BFF and I are going to go to Smoothie King and buy the Gladiator protein powder (also on the list from the doc) and see if that tastes any better. I just don't know! We shall see if my dinner stays on track or takes a turn south!

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