Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy Friday!

I can't believe it's the last day of the year. Oh how it has flown by. Every year seems shorter and shorter. Thanks for the comments yesterday.

@LD Swims: I really should start paying more attention to weekly calories instead of daily. I know that Allan told me the same thing.  I realize that it takes days for the scale to catch up with how you've been eating. After today I am only going to be weighing on Mondays. So that my help with my being down about it all the time.

@Sandy Lee: glad you like the title. haha that's how my head felt yesterday. pure gibber gabber. And actually I have scheduled an appointment for the end of January for a small unfill.

That might sound funny when I have been complaining so much but honestly I can barely eat protein at all because of the tightness. I get stuck pain quite a bit and I can't eat hardly anything but yogurt in the mornings because of it. The healthier the foods, the harder it is to eat. I tried to eat some scrambled eggs this morning and got stuck on the first bite and had to pack it up to take to work and try again later. I get to the point where I am screaming at myself because I am soooo damn frustrated that I keep getting stuck. It's like the band stays irritated the majority of the time. I don't want a big unfill, just enough to take the edge off and maybe allow me to get more protein in.  Maybe like .5cc or something. PLUS my free adjustments will expire in February and I will have to start paying like $200 for every adjustment after that. So I really need to get to a good place before that happens.

Just wanted to say...I hope everyone has a Happy New Year and be safe! Talk to you next year!!!! :)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

jrerrgjgrlgngrjtirutej! yeah whatev!

Yeah...not much to say. Not much at all. I am doing the whole one day at a time stuff right now. I have been pretty back and forth and up and down on losing weight the last few days. I feel determined one day and the next not so much. What is the deal? Why can't I just do it damn it? I know there's no excuse. It's ME! No one else can be blamed but me. My will power is like distant relatives, only comes around for special occasions. It's freaking ridiculous! My head just isn't in it. That's why the all or nothing syndrome has plagued me for so long. Because I will get my head in the game for a few weeks and then ONE little slip up/allowance and I am mudsliding down back to the beginning of the mountain to have to start the hike all over again.

Anyone else watching the new MTV show that premiered last night called "I used to be fat"???? I have been waiting for it to start and I watched it last night and loved it. The girl from last night did really well and ended up losing almost 100 pounds in just 4 months. She busted ass. Now why can't I do that???? I get all super motivated watching shows like that and the Biggest Loser and I tell myself at night..."ok when you wake up in the morning you will do this. You will eat clean healthy foods and exercise for an hour at the gym tomorrow or at home and you are gonna do this!!!!" Then I wake up and am still slightly ready for it (not as much as the night before) and then by lunch I am wavering a bit and break the promise a little and because of that by dinner I am totally unmotivated and have skipped the gym and most of the food I brought to eat healthy throughout the day. Once again back to square one. What the hell is my problem people???? Why can't I do this like you? Is it my head? I am seriously thinking a padded cell is sounding pretty tempting right now or being stranded on an island with Tom Hanks with fish and coconuts. I am so tired of hearing myself complaining about not being able to do this.

Another thing... I don't understand this part. For the most part I don't eat so bad. Compared to how I used to eat pre-band I am an angel now. Even when I "slip up" my calories are still basically low. My metabolism must be completely screwed up.  Like yesterday for example. I had plain greek yogurt with some splenda and 1 tbsp walnuts(about 200 calories). Then for lunch I had about 4 boudain balls with jalapeno ranch dressing (about 250 calories). I had a dr. pepper on ice mid-day (150 calories). Then for dinner I had spinach artichoke dip and tortilla chips from Chili's (sadly about 700 calories). For a grand total of 1300 calories yesterday. This was quite a bit compared to what I usually eat. So that's my stumper. Shouldn't I at least lose a couple of ounces here and there when I'm not being goody good? My calories are almost always still under control even at my worst. It seems like I have to do extra for my body to respond. I know some of you just stick to portion control or about 1300 calories every day and you don't have to pay so much attention to what you eat and you still lose. That doesn't work for me. If I eat remotely unhealthy my body shuts down and either gains or won't budge! I just want you all to know how lucky you are that just cutting portions does the trick for you. Really! I just can't imagine having to eat foods that taste like cardboard for the rest of my life to reap the same benefits that people who eat normally get to enjoy every day. (waaahhh wahhhh wahhhhhhh) haha

Today's menu:

Breakfast: Decaf hot green tea and plain greek yogurt with splenda, banana extract, and 1 tbsp of walnuts.
Lunch: taco salad with chicken fajita probably
Snack: string cheese
Dinner: Salad with tuna and French dressing

Ok. I am done for the day. No more complaining....your ears must be burning from all the fire spewing I've been doing! haha

Monday, December 27, 2010

Thank goodness it's over!

I'm baaaaack! Not like I was gone too too long but never the less I have returned. Christmas was decent for me. Did lots of driving to and from everywhere the entire weekend (my least fav part of the holidays) but the time spent with everyone was very nice. I enjoyed that. I don't have many pictures surprisingly and the few that I do have are blurry so I will spare you all that enjoyment. Sorry! :(

I did my fair share of eating like a frickin maniac over the weekend as well but I promised myself that I would start fresh today and I have. So that's a plus. I didn't take any leftovers from my mom's house. And yesterday I rid the kitchen of all the sweets including the frosted sugar cookies my boss baked that were entirely too decadent for comfort. It felt good to throw it away though. No more little sugary bastards in the kitchen whispering my night.....right before bedtime. No more. I also didn't get nearly enough water in on any of these days. Bummer...

So my fridge and pantry are stocked with yummy healthy foods to cook all week. Last night I baked my mini breakfast quiches for the week and put 2 muffin cups in individual ziploc bags and stuck them in the freezer. I tried them this morning and they were actually very tasty although I don't really care for salty foods in the morning. It will be an adjustment to have these every few days. I also bought 2 large containers of plain greek yogurt and I prepared them last night with 3 splendas and some cinnamon in each one and then seperated them out into 1 cup containers for my daily snack. These 2 items are staples in the South Beach diet. Routine foods work best for me.

I am up a couple of pounds thanks to all of my holiday feasting. (FIGURES) I weighed this morning at 182.2lbs. Not very happy with myself because I said that the 180's were gone for good. Guess I can't say that until I get under 175 for once. Oh well I am feeling good about the start of this thing. I will still be focusing on calories but with more focus on carbs and sugars.

Menu for today:

Breakfast: 2 mini quiche cups made with egg beaters, sliced mushrooms, bell pepper, turkey bacon, and LF shredded cheese. (300cal, <2g carbs)
40oz water
Lunch: 4 grilled garlic lime shrimp, 3oz of sirloin steak, a few bites of lettuce and about 1 tsp jalapeno ranch dressing (285cal, 2g carbs)
40oz water
Snack: plain greek yogurt with some splenda and cinnamon and 1 tbsp of chopped walnuts (186cal, 10g carbs)
16oz water
Dinner: 4oz grilled chicken breast with melted LF cheese, asparagus and 1/4c garbanzos baked with cracked pepper, sea salt, and olive oil (128cal, 9g carbs)
Dessert: Sugar-free fudgesicle (40cal, 10g carbs)

Total calories: 1053 Total Carbs: about 31g
Water: 96oz

I figured out where the legs are to my mini trampolene so I want to put it together tonight and start using it on days I don't go to the gym.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Christmas! Better Early than late!

I am on vacation tomorrow and won't come back to work until Monday so I won't be posting again until then. I wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday weekend to everyone ahead of time. It's been a hectic day today exchanging gifts and goodies has exhausted me and I'm still not done. I get the pleasure of going shopping for some final items when I get off of work and I dread it. Hell, last weekend was asshole to elbow in the stores and it will be even worse today. Aww well, it's my own fault for waiting until the last minute but my brothers are hard to shop for because they are so picky and they are teenage boys. UGH! Not to mention it's my little brother's bday on the 28th so he gets like double presents.

My friend Jessica that I work with got me some new rustic star accent decorations for my house. I have been collecting these here and there because when the hubby and I eventually get our own home I want the rustic country theme all over the house. I love the look so she got me 2 stars for the wall and a hat/coat hook with the 3 star points and then a plaque shaped like a cowboy boot with a metal spur that says "If you don't take off those boots you're gonna get spurred!". I have always asked guests to take their shoes off at the door so this is just perfect for me!

Anyway...enough of that. I will admit my menu plan that I posted for yesterday didn't quite work out the way I typed it. In fact, I didn't eat my yogurt at all. Instead I ate a cookie (like a dumbass) and then once I got home I didn't feel like cooking so the hubby ate leftovers and I ate a couple of slices of turkey breast with some ritz crackers and 1 slice of cheese. Not so bad right? Well then I had to bake brownies for work today so I licked the spoon before I tossed it into the sink. I ate half of a brownie once they came out of the oven (like a dumbass!) because I just had to make sure they tasted ok for everyone. Then I drank 1/2 of a Dr. Pepper the hubby had opened. Then I made ham pinwheels with cream cheese and onion and ate 2 of those because....again...I had to make sure they tasted alright (ha!) and of course they did. So basically I snacked my ass off last night here and there.

Today started off hellacious too. We did our baked goods exchange this morning and had this whole delicous spread set up in our employee lounge for our department. I had a cookie, 2 sausage balls, 1 ham pinwheel, 1/2 pecan sandy, 2 strawberries, and 1/2 of a lemon square. Basically pure junk and tons of sugar. I wonder why I have a migraine??? Hmm...maybe from my blood sugar spiking from overdose. Yeah that's smart, Jessica! And if that's not bad enough...I go to lunch and have a nice array of holiday treats such as: a spoon of green bean casserole, a spoon of broccoli casserole, a spoon of dressing, 1 slice of spiral ham, a spoon of potato salad and another cookie. Yeah can I get some applause here? Anyone? (crickets chirping)

Needless to say I hate myself right now. I can't wait for Monday because this holiday shit will be over with and I will be starting over again for the millionth time. Hopefully my low carb plan is the ticket. If not, I may just throw in the towel will just keep on fighting the fight I've been fighting for the last 12 years. Ya feel me?

Anyway enough of my bitching and moaning. It's Christmas, let's spread joy and cheer! haha

Have a good one lovely people.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Woo hoo! I just saw that as of today I have finally reached 100! It took long enough. I guess I'm not very popular because I have seen some people with like 1000 followers and they have only been blogging as long as or less than me! Oh well I still feel special knowing that 100 people possibly read my words daily. That's neato!

I went shopping yesterday and got a bunch of yummy foods for my soon to be low carb diet (Basically following the South Beach principles). I have decided that I am going to wait until next Monday to start this merely because I am so busy after work every day with finishing up Christmas errands and stuff that I don't have the prep time to start right now. I have devised a plan that on Sundays I will plan out my meals for the week (so I have no excuse to buy food out) and then prepare certain things and freeze them for the week to cut down on cooking. The hubby has to have some kind of starch with every meal so I will be having to prepare seperate meals on some occasions and making my own meals ahead of time will be much more convenient.

But instead of going crazy and using this as an excuse to eat anything and everything in sight I am going back on my Click shakes for the rest of the week and this weekend. I think I will do 2 shakes a day like before and then 1 regular meal. That way I'm not being too over-indulgent in holiday foods. I just don't want to gain the weight back that I lost over the last month in a the span of a week. I have been eating very freely and I don't like the lack of control I feel when I have options all the time. I have realized since doing the shakes and then stopping them that when I plan I stick to. If I don't bring lunch with me to work I am more likely to eat poorly because I have the option to. It's sad but true. In a way I hate that because I hate feeling like I have to constantly plan ahead to stick to this. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do if you want it bad enough! So I will just have to suck it up and deal with it. I have to be a planner and that's that.

Menu for today:

Breakfast: click shake
Lunch: Didn't realize I only enough for one shake today and ended up eating 1/2 of a turkey Quiznos sandwich that was provided by our custodian as a gift to the bank. I ate a couple of original flavored sun chips too. Wasn't very hungry but my stomach said otherwise. I hate that empty, stomach churning feeling you get when you have nothing in your stomach.
Snack: Strawberry greek yogurt with a sprinkle of walnuts
Dinner: click shake

Water: 96oz

That's that! Thank you lovely followers for being so loyal and friendly!!!

Tata for now!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Grandma got runned over by a reindeer...doop doop doop

Well the weekend is over! Blek! It went by quickly as usual. Thanks for the comments on Friday's post!
@Dizzy: you got it girl let's low carb it! For sure! I have to get a shopping list together for tomorrow after work of low carb items and it's on like Donkey Kong then!!! woo hoo!
@Allan: You are too sweet. :)
@ everyone else: Yes, I do believe this plan will make some kind of change. I'm not saying it will be the answer to my prayers but any change in the scale in a downward manner will do!!!

I am kinda running late on my post today. I have been busy at work and my stepfather was in a car accident on Saturday night and fractured a bone in his neck and may possibly have to have surgery. My mom is a nervous wreck because he just survived a brain aneurysm (spelling?) in June and now this. My brothers and sisters are having a hard time with it too. I think he will be fine but with the way this year has gone for my family and alot of others' you never know.

Today is official weigh day for me and as you can see by my ticker I am up a few ounces. I'm not surprised. My weekend was filled with crazy foods and not enough water. But I think things will surely turn around once I start low carbing again!

**Fingers Crossed this will make the difference I've been looking for**

Menu for today: (not the best)

Breakfast: hot chai tea and french vanilla coffeemate
Ran out of time and ended up waiting too long to bring the yogurt I brought. So breakfast was skipped! Doh!
Lunch: 3 spicy boudain balls with jalapeno ranch dressing dip and 1/2 cup of baked potato soup (pure carbs!)
Snack: AGAIN got busy filing and didn't eat my yogurt.
Dinner: Not sure yet

Tonight I will be researching my soon-to-be little ass off for low carb meal plans! I would really like to get into ketosis while doing this but I don't think the south beach is that drastic. I know Atkins is but I just can't handle all the meats, cheeses, and eggs that suggests to eat. Too much!

Friday, December 17, 2010


Couldn't really think of a clever title post. I feel kinda blah today. I wasn't going to post today because I am in one of "those" moods. You know the "life sucks giant ass right now" moods? Yes Allan, I saw your post about not bitching about stupid things with all of the awful photos like the little boy with half of his head blown off. So no making me feel guilty for complaining please!

I don't actually have much to say but I figured I'd write something anyway since I never post on the weekend and won't post again until probably Monday.

So on the weight loss front: I have decided to discontinue my Click shakes for a while. I have been reading up on the effects of caffeine on weight loss and it describes my situation fairly accurately. I read one passage that said sudden use of weight loss products containing caffeine may yield rapid weight loss temporarily but once your body adjusts to it your losses may stall/plateau. The suggestive solution was to discontinue all caffeinated products and see if you start losing again. This really makes sense to me because I have never been much on sodas or coffee at all. So I think the 10 lbs I lost in the first week of using Click as meal replacements helped me lose quickly but now I am just plain stuck in limbo. I am hovering between 177 and 179 and the scale just will not move no matter how little or how much I eat.

I know my body responds best to high protein, low carb because of my PCOS and insulin resistance. I have attempted it before and failed because I was just never in the right mindset. I didn't want it bad enough then. But I have doing fairly well watching my calories and I think I have some control now. So I am going to see if this may be my solution and maybe the losses will start up again. Sure would be nice!

The disheartening thoughts every time I get on the scale and see no losses really make me cave when it comes to my food choices. I get the point where I am like well if trying my best isn't working then what's the point in not eating the way I am used to if nothing comes of it? That's when the old binge-eater comes out of me and takes over again. I know some of you in blogland have been having this very same issue lately. I have read several blogs over the last couple of days having issues with old habits. The holiday time doesn't help. Especially when you are watching everyone around you eat like frickin pigs and you are supposed to nibble on carrotts and shit.

So I am going to be completely honest here (please don't throw stones bcuz I am a work in progress):

Breakfast: 2 tbsp of gourmet trail mix
Lunch: about 3 slices of a small personal pan spinach alfredo pizza at a local Italian restaurant. I know it was high calorie but I must say this was the best damn pizza I have ever had in my life. It was pure heaven. I wasn't expecting it to be soooo delicious. I'm not a big pizza fan either.
Snack: none
Dinner: Going to eat at Cheddar's. Not sure what. I was thinking maybe potato soup or something light. I looked at the menu online and there's some awesome looking salads. But honestly I am getting burned out on salads. I don't like lettuce all that much and although it doesn't get stuck for me very often it doesn't feel so great going down either. We'll see....

As soon as I throw together a low carb menu and grocery list I am jumping on it. I hope it kick starts something in this damn body. I am sick of stalling.

Well that's all I have for today kiddos! Have a good weekend!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Confusion: part two

@Amandakiska: You wouldn't happen to be confusing my bestie Mary Burns for Mary at "Band me I'm Ready..." are you??? Because the girl in the pic with me hasn't blogged in months and months and months. Not sure if maybe you are confusing the two because they do kind of resemble each other a bit. hahaha!

Before and After Christmas shots

December 2009                      December 2010



@Amandakiska: Am I missing something somewhere? You commented on my post from yesterday and said I am so lucky to know Mary in person. What does that mean? haha I am drawing a blank here but last I checked she wasn't famous! hahahaha

I am just curious cuz I've got a big question mark in my thought bubble right now. :P

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Wacky Tuesday and banquet photos!!!

First in response to my comments from yesterday:

@Amandakiska: I buy Chobani greek yogurt and it has the crushed pineapple in it. I have only seen Chobani at one of our local gorcery stores. None of the larger stores carry it around here but it is my absolute favorite flavor other than the Dannon Honey greek yogurt.

@Drazil: Yes, I do have the Biggest Loser game for the wii. I don't use it nearly enough but it is tons of fun!!! I want the new fitness wii game by Jenny McCarthy. It comes with a webcam and actually tells you if you are doing the moves correctly. AWESOME!!! I might order that for myself for Christmas!!!

Ok So here are few of the banquet pics. I apologize they are fuzzy because I they are pictures of pictures. I have been trying to get the pics from email but it's not working so this will have to do.

This is me attempting the limbo, shoes off and all! haha

Me and the hubby in front of the tree.

Me and the bestie Mary.

Me accepting my 5 year service award from the bank president

Ok so here's a funny. It's not band related so feel free to skip this part if ya want! Well as I have a said before the department I work in is only 2 people, me and the other Jessica. We decorate quite a bit our little space for every holiday/season. We have spent quite a bit of money on doing this so we value our decorations. Well we had 2 plaid and gold trimmed Christmas bows hanging on each side of our joint cubicle. Jessica noticed earlier this morning that our bows were gone! I immediately get frantic and start looking around because surely someone didn't have the audacity to take something of mine that I bought. But no luck, they weren't misplaced by the janitor or anything either. So out goes the mass email to the entire bank letting whoever the culprit was know that those were paid for by me and that I expect them to be returned. Well that started all kinds of drama and everyone was coming up asking if we found them yet or not. Finally one of the bank officers (been here over 20 years) comes up and tells Jessica that she took our bows thinking they belonged to the decorations the bank buys. Well it was a big to-do and we got them back. It's a pretty funny thing around here now. Everyone keeps laughing and joking about how mad I get when people touch my stuff. This isn't the first time I've had to send out an email about things being missing from our dept.  

On a band note: I did weigh this morning, I won't say what the scale said but it was a slight gain and I am irritated but I realize some of the meals I ate over the weekend probably caught up with me this morning. So I am just telling myself that it will go back down and then some this week! Right on!!!

Menu today:

Breakfast: click shake and chai spice hot tea with french vanilla coffemate powder= 180calories
Lunch: 6" blackforest ham and turkey sandwich on wheat from Subway. I added tomatoes, pickles, 1 tbsp mayo and 2 tbsp of mustard. It was yum and = 350 calories
Snack: Chobani pineapple yogurt with 1 tbsp walnuts= 203calories
Dinner: Not sure yet but I have 567 calories left to meet my daily goal of 1300 so it will be something high protein and low carb since I ate bread at lunch.

Water 96oz
Exercise: Biggest Loser on the wii most likely. I forgot I had the game until Drazil asked if I work out with the wii....haha I have to go grocery shopping after work and that's a workout too in my book. I know I am exhausted afterward! haha

Last night I didn't get to do my hip hop abs video. I felt extra tired last night. (NO excuse) Also I made these Pilsbury mini fudge brownie bites and they are 75 calories a piece. So I ate one for dessert. DELICIOUS but I don't want the sweet cravings to come back after weeks of having no problems craving stuff so I only allowed myself the one and I was fine with it.

Have a good one, dearies! toodles!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Monday, Monday, Monday....

As you can tell by my title I couldn't think of anything more interesting to say. The weekend was so so I guess. The banquet was really nice and I have pictures coming soon (technical issues). We danced and did the limbo and I won a wii as my raffle prize. But I already have the same one so a girl I work with wants to buy it from me! haha Sounds good to me, $200 more for Christmas shopping. I didn't eat much: about 2 shrimp, 2 stuffed crabs, and one bite of a cinnamon roll with raisins in it. That's it. Only bad thing is I had 2 amaretto sours so I'm sure that was several hundred calories a piece.

But I had a chicken taco salad from Quiznos for lunch and it was AMAZING!!! Basically my new favorite food! Delicious! The spicy chipotle dressing alone is just mouth-watering. I got a little too excited and put 1/2 the container they give you on it and that drenched my salad to the point I could only eat like 1/4 of it because it was soooo strong. So next time about 1 tbsp would do the trick just fine. But it has a scoop of guacamole, scoop of salsa, some cheese, grilled chicken, and it comes with these tiny mult-colored tortilla strips that are spiced up too. YUMMY!

I ate pretty decent all weekend. Yesterday I had a shake for breakfast and did some Christmas shopping at the mall so my friend and I ate at Casa Ole and I got the chicken fajita flameado (cheese and chicken basically). I did eat it with tortilla chips because it's served with tortillas and those get stuck so I chose the crunchier version. Quite a few calories I'm sure so I did a light dinner of greek yogurt and walnuts. And since Janelle said it was ok to discuss my daily fluctuations again (thanks hun! :)  ) I must say....hahahaha on this...I had a loss of 1lb on Saturday and as of today I am right back to 178.4lbs! I only bring this up because that means I have basically fluctuated all week and still lost nothing as far as my Monday weigh-in goes. SUCKS! I don't know what else to do with myself. Friday night I ate pretty high calorie for dinner (taco salad) and I ate half of the taco shell and some chips and queso like I said I wouldn't. After eating that I lose a lb???? WTF??? Then I eat pretty decent and gain it back in 2 days. Frickin nuts!!!! haha

Well this is my menu for today:

Breakfast: Click shake
Lunch: grilled chicken salad on a bed of dark greens with green onions, a few black olives, tomato, cucumber, fresh pickles and about 1 tbsp of jalapeno ranch dressing and 2 bites of sauteed mushrooms. (I got stuck on the first part of lunch and PB'ed so I basically was only able to eat about 1/2 cup afterwards)
Snack: Pineapple greek yogurt with slivered almonds
Dinner: More of my salad from lunch since I barely put a dent in it

Water: 96oz
Exercise: Hip hop abs most likely

That's it for today...I am running late on my work! Hopefully I will post the pics from the banquet tomorrow.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Winter Gear photos!!!

TGIF, everyone!!! I know I am just driving you all mad with my daily bitch sessions about my weight fluctuating constantly. Believe me, I drive myself insane too.

@Janelle: I know you are right about not taking daily fluctuations to heart. I plan on weighing daily until the new year but I am only recording my weight on Monday's on my ticker. The in between part just sucks.

@AmandaKiska: No honestly the past few months of no changes was my own fault. I was eating absolutely AWFUL, not letting the band work at all, and just basically not giving a shit on and off again. I actually think I am at my sweet spot. When I let the band do its job I get full very quickly and stay full for hours. It's definitely not a portion control problem in the last couple of weeks. I got down to the 170's back in July for about a week and then lost control again and gained it back and I hovered in the 180's ever since. Then a couple of weeks ago I jumped back on the train and have lost 10lbs since then. It just seems like now I am stuck again because I feel like I am doing everything right but my body just won't let go of the lbs.

@Pie: maybe that's what my problem is too. maybe my body just wants to bounce around randomly. But I need to see the decrease at least once a week because I feel like I am really busting ass to lose this weight and it's just not happening. The fluctuation drives me freakin nuts.
P.S. Yes, Alice in Chains is tha shit!

@Tessie: I couldn't survive without at least weighing once a week. I must visibly see improvement! :)

@Drazil: Oh me want, want, want one!!!!  Hope Santa gets my letter this year! ;)

Ok so I don't know if you remember but a while back I posted a photo of me in my white peacoat that I bought. It is a large (made small though) and when I bought it I could get it on but it was very tight in the arms and basically impossible to button! This was the photo I posted when I bought it in October.

Ok so I tried it on again last night and......ta da!!!

The hat and scarf I got as a free gift through ABC online.

It buttons now!!!! woo hoo!

Also, I have a pretty funny NSF, but an NSV none the less. Ok so since I've been with my husband (7 years on Dec 12th) he has always been smaller than me. Throughout the years I have tried to put his jeans on just to be funny, ya know? And I could never get them past mid-thigh (no kidding. he is thin!) He has put my jeans on before just to see if he could and of course, they fit on him loosely. Hell, a couple of them looked better on him than me!!! Anyway I don't know why but last night I had the urge to try again and not only did I get his jeans past my legs I got them zipped and they were loose!!!! Oh my gosh, it was hilarious but awesome! We both laughed about it.

I am wearing my size 7/8 slacks I talked about the other day today! I took a couple of pics in the bathroom at work.

Ok. Menu for today is:

Breakfast: click shake
Lunch: tuna salad and asparagus
Snack: 3 pickles, 1 wedge of Weight Watchers jalapeno cheese, and 1/2 oz of cheddar cheese
Dinner: Most likely going to go eat at my favorite Mexican restaurant today but I can handle it. No biggy. I will probably have either the chicken fajita salad served on lettuce. OR the chicken fajita flameado which is basically some mexican cheese and chicken in a tiny appetizer size dish. Very yummy! We'll see!
Water: 96 ounces
Exercise: Maybe when I get home tonight but it will be late. I am getting my nails and toes done tonight for the weekend! yay!

Oh and on the scale note: I told you how I gained 6 oz yesterday. I weighed this morning and only lost 2 oz. So I am back at 178.4!!! This is the last time I tell about a fluctuation besides Monday's on my official weigh days! I promise!!!!!

Tomorrow night is my work banquet and it's a buffet of seafood and steak. I plan on having a side salad, 1 stuffed crub, 2-3 butterfly shrimp, and a couple bites of steak (if I don't get full). Sounds good to me and a good amount of protein too! I'm sure I will post pictures from the night and I will be all made up and in my dress and my new jewelry to go with it! woo hoo!

Smooches plums and have a great weekend!!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Dinner photos and depression commencing!

Well I thought this stupid thing posted last night when I did it from my phone but I guess not so here it is:

Meatloaf, green beans, and yams all on a plate a tad bigger than a CD case.

And guess what happened? The unthinkable! The unmentionable! The catastrophe! I weighed this morning and am back up to 178.6lbs!!!! So I gained 6oz since yesterday. DAMN IT!!! I didn't think my slight increase in calories would do it but I guess I was wrong. I also think I have been consuming too much fat again. So I have tweaked my plan again and I am going to take carbs back out and watch the fat a little more. Plus I didn't exercise yesterday because I have been so sore.

I forgot to mention the day before yesterday I did the Hip Hop Abs Cardio burn DVD. (The hubby ordered it like a year ago and watched it ONE time! He just had to have it! and hasn't thought of it since) So I figured I would try to put some use to it. It is a pretty good workout. Within 20 minutes I felt exhausted but I pushed through the entire 35 minutes of it non-stop hip hop dancing and moves. I was sweating my ass off by the time I was done. Not a bad work out at all. But I have been so sore and I think I pulled something in my neck because I get sharp pain when I put my head down and it shoots all the way into my shoulder blade!

I have decided I want my own treadmill. I know this sounds silly but I think I could do alot more with becoming a runner if I didn't have the self-conciousness at the gym. I still want my membership to use the various machines so I don't get bored but I hate running at the gym. I feel like people are watching me. I am not used to running and I feel like I look funny/unstable, like I don't know what I am doing. You know the movies where the geeky cheek is running down the streety with old school sweat bands on and gym shorts and tube socks and she just looks whack? Well that's how I feel. I want to improve before I have an audience. I would run outside but the town I live in doesn't exactly have paved paths. We have fields and the one time we tried that we came home and found ticks on our clothes!!!! So yeah, no thanks. I'll pass on the lyme disease. So I def. want my own treadmill. Problem is, where the hell would I put it in my quaint little trailor??? I will figure it out!

anyhoozle...that's it for today....maybe

Oh I almost forgot
Menu for today:

Breakfast: click shake
Lunch: Strawberry greek yogurt with slivered almonds (1 tbsp)
Snack: 2 laughing cow french onion cheese wedges (70 cal) and 3 pickles and maybe 1/2 slice of meatloaf from last night (110cal)
Dinner: Most likely leftovers from last night, so meatloaf 1/2 slice, yams, and green beans
Snack:??? don't know yet all I know is it won't be carbs or heavy fat

tata for now kitties! smooches

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Magic Slacks!

First off, thanks for all of your wonderful comments yesterday about my dress.

@Seeing in Colour: I know I'm not the most overweight as the average person who gets banded but I started out at 206lbs and me getting the surgery was more of putting a stop to the gaining weight. I yo-yo dieted for years and knew I couldn't control my GIANT appetite and watched my weight steadily rising. I knew if I didn't do something quick I would wake up one day 400+lbs. My eating was completely out of control and I was never full. I stretched my stomach for so long I could eat enough to fill 3 grown men. So I chose the band to help prevent me from getting bigger. As you can see, it hasn't been easy even being smaller starting off. I know it seems crazy! I still am blown away that I actually did the surgery. But I would do it all over again for sure. By now, I'd probably have gained 50lbs or more if I hadn't.

Now, as far as the title goes....I have found some magical pants! A friend of mine went to a local store Rue21 (not sure if it's in other states or not). Anyway they are known for their very "in" and fashionable clothes. I shop there quite a bit and they have wonderful sales too. Anyway she saw they had some black dress slacks on sale for $5 yesterday. So I went in to take a look and tried on a 9/10 and they fit well and were even a little loose in the waist especially. So I (just for kicks) decided to try a 7/8 on and......THEY FIT!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I almost fell out right there. I literally checked the tag in the pants about 3 times to make sure I hadn't hallucinated! MAGIC PANTS? Yes, I believe so! I don't think I have been in a 7 or 8 since I was 8 years old! hahaha I know it's the tailor of the pants because my friend who is usually a 7/8 got into a 5/6 with no problem. So they are made that way. So in real life outside of this magic pants factory they would probably be more of a 9/10 which is still fine with me. But owning a pair of pants with 7/8 in the tag is just an extra bonus!!!! yay!

Menu for today:

Breakfast: click protein, hot green tea with 1 splenda and french vanilla coffemate powder
Lunch: Blueberry greek yogurt with 2 tbsp gourmet nutty fruit mix
Snack: 3 pickles and 1 ounce of mild cheddar cheese ( I ABSOLUTELY love this stuff)
Dinner: Meatloaf, yams, and green beans. (about 1 1/2 cups of food)

Not sure how many calories that is but I am shooting for 1100 so I can slowly increase as I planned. If this doesn't cut it I will add a snack tonight to make it.

BTW: I cheated on my Monday weigh-ins. :*( Oopsy! I just couldn't help myself to weight this morning because I feel like with all the adjustments I am making every day I MUST know how it is effecting the scale! I MUST!!!!! So I have decided to wait until the new year starts once I get in the groove of this new plan and it's consistent to start doing weekly weigh-ins. Just for my peace of mind. So Dizzy, the plan is on for us to start that together! Don't forget!!!!!

Oh and BTW again, I lost 4 more oz as of this morning. So I guess it's heading in the right direction. Too early to tell if my adjustment is the cause.

Tata for now peaches, I am a busy bee today!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Xmas Banquet Dress photos!

Well damn, damn, double damn. After reading your comments on yesterday's post I am super bummed. I have been reading about calorie deficits all day and then I read your comments and it all makes sense. I figured up my TDEE (maintenance calories) and it's like 1940. I know the rule of thumb is to do a 500 calorie deficit from that number to lose fat/weight. So that would mean I should consume 1440 calories per day to lose weight steadily without slowing down my metabolism. And obviously I am eating 500 less than that number and that's not good. I know!

It also said to NEVER go 1000 below your maintenance calories so I think a 600 calorie deficit sounds ok. So I am going to increase my calories to 1300 a day and hope and pray I don't gain tons of weight doing that. I don't think my metabolism has been shot in just 2 short weeks of this low-cal plan I have done. But I still want to gradually up the calories so I will probably do 200 calories for a few days and then go up another 200 calories and that should do it. I am going to increase my exercise too hopefully making up for that increase.

@ Sandy Lee: Yeah I know my body responds to low carb but the higher fat bypasses that I think. In the past I have tried to lower my carbs to very little and then increase healthy fats and I still seemed to either gain or not lose at all. That probably has alot to do with all those calorie dense foods I was eating too. Lately I have been under the recommendation on my carbs and over on my protein. I like that though. I am going to try to keep that trend going but just up my calorie intake.

@Janelle: I hate that I have been losing muscle. I hoped that would not happen. But the more I read about it, the more I believe that's  why my weight loss has stalled again.

It's depressing when it seems like I am either eating too much or too little and never just right. I feel like back in July when I was really watching my calories then, that I was eating about 1400 calories a day which is what is recommended to lose (as stated above) and it worked for about a month and then all of a sudden I plateaued again. So that's why this time I drastically decreased my calories because before that amount stopped working for me. I hate having to test things out over and over to find just the right thing for me. I feel like when I think I find it, it changes again and then I am back to square one looking like a frickin do-do bird.

Well I said I would post photos of my in the 2nd dress that I bought for my employer Christmas banquest this weekend. Here it is:

It was fairly tight when I tried it on in the store and I had to have the bestie help me zip it (side zipper) by sucking in and doing other amazing tricks to get it done. Last night when I tried it on I zipped it myself and the top half is loose now. I will probably have to pin it to keep it up this weekend.

Menu for today:

Breakfast: Click Protein shake (120 cal.)
Lunch: Pineapple greek yogurt and 1 tbsp of gourmet nutty fruit mix (230 cal.)
Snack: 1oz mild cheddar cheese and 3 small pickles (121cal)
Dinner: Chicken broccoli rice and cheese casserole (1 cup serving is approx. 400 calories!)
Snack: Unsure but I am going to try and make it something for about 150 calories to up my intake starting today.

That's it for now everyone. I hate to sound like a broken record on every post bitching and whining about this but like anyone, I hate it when I can't figure out how to do something right. So please bare with me and thanks for the comments in advance.


Monday, December 6, 2010

Plateau Already???

I am glad you all enjoyed my comparison faceshots from Friday. I do feel better looking at them but I can't help but want to bust my scale with a hammer right now. I seriously am in some stupid funk. I have been hard core following my plan and I have even done a tweek here and there and still NOTHING. So I have started a new scale trend. One day I lose NOTHING, the next day I lose 2 ounces, the next I lose NOTHING, and the 4th day 2 ounces again. WTF?

I figured this up in my head and if I only lose 2 ounces a day, that is 1.4lbs per week, 5.6lbs per month! That means it would take me 5 months just to lose the 28lbs I want to get to my mini-goal of 150. That seems awful slow to me. I know I have wasted like 5 months in plateau-land just skating around eating whatever the hell I wanted but now that I am on the ball and I don't get WTF the problem is. My body is just not reacting this time around like I thought it would. I know you all say slow loss is still a loss but I feel like that's bullshit for me. I feel like with my age, weight, calorie intake, and exercise I have been doing my loss should be steadier and greater than this. Flippin A!

So I have decided that 2 shakes a day plus one small snack and one low carb, high protein meal is just not enough calories. I have only been getting in about 800-900 calories. I have felt very fatigued and nauseous a few times. SOOOO....I have decided to do a shake for breakfast, a small protein for lunch (like greek yogurt and nuts), one good protein snack, and then my same low carb, high protein dinner. I am hoping that this adjustment will make the difference. But who knows at this point!

Also today is my first official Monday weigh-in. I have updated my ticker and will start weighing on Monday's only hopefully allowing me some breathing room in the week and something to look forward to again. It's also terrifying at the same time because I won't know what each day did. Did my tweeks and adjustments and meals each day do damage on the scale or did it do good on the scale???? That is going to drive me crazy for a while.

@Dizzy: You are welcome to jump on at the start of the new year! Commit to it. We've got to stop obsessing with weighing every day.

Figured I'd post today's menu just because:

Breakfast: Peach greek yogurt with 1 tbsp of slivered almonds
Lunch: Click protein shake
Snack: 3 snackmm's mini dill pickles and 3 small slices of mild cheddar cheese (read in a magazine this was actually a decent, filling snack with not too many calories)
Dinner: homemade Chuckwagon Chili (got the recipe from my weight watchers cookbook)
Water: 112oz water
Exercise: Probably about 2 miles on the treadmill sprint/walk intervals and 2 miles on the stationary bike

Hopefully this works and my frustration can take a break.

Friday, December 3, 2010

December one year before and after photo

Well I lost 4oz as of this morning. I guess it's something. I don't know. I just feel like this could be more efficient and that I am missing something.

Anyway...last night we had our Christmas parade in town and I was asked to ride on the fire truck in the parade. Apparently since I did the haunted house for the VFD they consider me part of the family. It was alot of fun. We basically moved at snail's pace through the parade path and the whole town shows up to see the floats and stuff. All the children get so excited to see the fire trucks and the VFD flashes their lights and sounds the sirens and horns and they get soooo excited. It's neat to see their expressions and they just wave and wave at us. Here is a pic of my friend Jessica and me.  Her dad is the Assistant Chief of the VFD so he allows us get involved in the events.
I really like this picture. I found a picture of me from December of last year (2009) and wanted to show you the before and current for that.


Today is my friend Cayla's bday. So when we get off of work we are going to an Italian restaurant and then bowling. So that should be fun. I already looked at the menu online and have decided on the roast instead of pasta. Trying to keep with the program. I also baked vanilla cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and sprinkles for her bday and didn't eat one AT ALL. Not even a bite. It wasn't so hard but I don't want to feel like I am completely depriving myself on a special occasion. So tonight at the restaurant I might eat a few bites of calamari and maybe a tiny bite of bread (probably not). MAYBE....

@Allan...I am drinking water. I pee like 15 times a day. But the scale isn't smiling as much as I want it too!!!
@Everyone who commented yesterday: Thanks for the advice. I feel better when I exercise anyway. I just hate that stupid gain from it at first. It is discouraging. I know I shouldn't weigh every day but it's become a habit and I feel like if I don't I might be going in the wrong direction and not know it for a week. Crazy huh?
Maybe I will try to ween myself off of it and start weighing on Mondays like I used to when I first got banded. We'll see.

Hope everyone has a super weekend. Until then.... Peace, love, and water peeps!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Son of a *****! Damn IT!!!

Ok. So as you can see from my hostile title I am not in the best of moods. I have been busting my ass, watching my calories, working out every day, and basically reliving the pre-op diet all over again. I knew this would happen...I knew it! I get to the 170's again FINALLY and then eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerkkkkk (screeching brakes sound). It stops. The weight loss stops. According to my calorie app on my phone I should be losing about 7oz a day with how many and what kind of calories I have been eating as well as the exercise I have been doing and WTF???

First yesterday morning I weighed and gained 6oz and so I was EXTRA strict yesterday and kept my carbs super low and only had about 950 calories and only lost 2oz as of this morning!!!! WTH?????????????

I have processed the thoughts that the weight gain and tiny loss could be blamed on my sudden rejuvenation of exercise. I realize that gaining muscle can lead to a small gain or delay big losses but DAMN IT! Why? I know I shouldn't be obsessed with the number on the scale as long as I see I am getting smaller but it pisses me off. I don't remember having such small losses before on the pre-op diet but I wasn't working out that time either. I hate to be such a damn whiner right now but I can't help it. Little problems/adjustments like this are what cause me to self-sabotage. If I do very well and then all of sudden I stop seeing those same results it makes me wanna give up sooo easily. It just makes me feel like no matter what I do, it's not going to work but for a second. IT SUCKS FREAKIN ASS!

Also, I am worried that I am not getting enough calories in. According to my app for my age, height, and weight I should consume 1150 calories a day to lose 2lbs a week. But I can't seem to fit that much in without adding bad foods. I know alot of you eat less than that and do fine but I am worried I might ruin my metabolism. So you would think if I am eating even less than the 1150 I would lose quicker but NOPE! Not this body here damn it! It's going to be stubborn. I am going to hang with it though. I have to. I am not giving up so easily this time even if I am a little bummed that I had such a small loss the last 2 days. My main motivation is to lose 5 more pounds to get into that new dress I told you about.....the one for my business banquet next weekend! I hope I can get there in a week and a half.

Do you think I should lay off exercise for a while until I lose more??? I don't know what is right. Some people tell me not to worry about exercise until I get close to goal and then just start toning up. And then others tell me I should exercise while losing so that I build my metabolism and keep from becoming flabby and loose skinned. Shit, I don't know what to think. I hate how obsessed I am with all of this.

On a happier note, I got my Christmas tree up last night and am going shopping today on my lunch for more decorations for home. My partner in crime (Jessica) and I have been decorating our department for special holidays and seasons and we have drawers full of decorations now. We put up our Christmas stuff on Monday and it looks great back here. Very festive. Here is a photo of my tree at home. I don't like full sized trees because I don't have the room for them and this is perfect us! Every year at our banquet we get an ornament for Chistmas and they are very nice and each has a different theme and story attached to it. They are collectibles. I have will get my 5th one at this year's banquet. I have my other 4 on the tree.

Anyway that's all I have for today. Hopefully I will see a bigger loss in the morning and perk up a bit.

Question of the day: Where does the weight go overnight?????

Monday, November 29, 2010

Not a lost cause after all!

Did ya see my new background? Did ya see my new ticker? Did ya see the number on the ticker??????? Yup that's right people. Somehow I managed to lose 8lbs since Friday!!!! I'm sure it's water weight but I don't give a crap! Weight is weight! YEAH!!!!!! I am FINALLY back in the 170's (it's been months since I've seen them) and I plan on staying in them in a downward trend this time! Woo hoo!

Food wise: I have basically been eating pre-op diet since Friday. And it still works just as well as it did when I lost my first 13lbs before I got banded. I am having no problems sticking to it right now. My head is in "the zone"....finally. So I figured I would post a few days of my menu and see what you all think. Constructive criticism anyone????

Friday menu:

Breakfast: Click vanilla latte protein shake
Lunch: Click shake
Dinner: 3 oz grilled chicken breast, 2 grilled asparagus spears, and 1/3 of a dinner salad with lettuce, shredded cheese, and tomato (croutons removed) with tiny bit of ranch dressing.
Water: 128 oz
Lost: 5.6lbs

Saturday menu:

Breakfast: Click shake
Lunch: 3 chicken fajita strips, 3 beef fajita strips with sour cream and a few bites of refried beans.
Dinner: Click shake
Snack: 1 Keystone Light beer (yuk!)
Snack: 1/2 wedge of Laughing cow french onion cheese (just needed a tiny little something in my stomach)
Water: 120oz
Lost: 2.2lbs

Sunday menu:
Breakfast: Click shake
Lunch: Click shake
Dinner: 3 tbsp scrambled eggs, 1 low fat jimmy dean sausage patti, 1/2 strip of bacon, and romaine lettuce with 2 tsp peppercorn ranch dressing. (See picture below)
I didn't eat it all but I have a feeling this particular meal had too much fat because even though it was low carb I didn't lose at all. The scale stayed at 179.4 as of this morning. So I need to watch carbs AND fat.
Snack: Two tsps of pumpkin pie with no crust (just for a taste)
Water: 80oz

Today's menu:

Breakfast: Click shake
Lunch: Click Shake
Snack: Honey greek yogurt with 1 tbsp slivered almonds
Dinner: Roast beef and a romaine salad with tomato, shredded cheese, and peppercorn ranch dressing (2 tsp)
Water: 96oz

So far so good. I just hope that my weight doesn't stall here since I had such a big loss in just a few days. When I did this before the band my weight loss was steady for the entire 2 weeks and I am hoping that it's the same now. We'll see!!!!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Sweet vanilla heaven!

I just have to say that I got my Click protein powder in and it is DIVINE! Like I said before, I hate coffee but I would prefer it over the other nasty ass protein drinks I have choked down. This stuff really does taste like a latte or frappucinno at Starbucks! SUPER! Only thing is I don't drink alot of caffeine and this stuff is packed with it so I am basically bouncing off the walls. But I can honestly say that after about an hour of drinking it I had NO hunger at all. In fact, I usually eat lunch at 11am but I waited until 1pm for my second shake. I am feeling the hunger now and I am STARVING so tonight before we go bowling we are going to a steakhouse and I am going to get a nice steak and a salad. I am craving it!

Thanksgiving: Well I did better than I thought I would but mostly because after my first 2 bites I got stuck and had pain for like 20 minutes and had to get up and walk it off. I thought it was over and tried to eat again and after a few bites....WHAM pain again! So I actually lost 4oz as of this morning. CRAZY!

Sorry this is so short but I am working. Have a great weekend.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Was MIA but I am back now!

Sorry I haven't said anything in almost a week! I have been super busy and not at work either to post anything. I have been having to finish up my vacation days from work and we have to get them done before December 1st so it's been hectic trying to fit it all in.

I really appreciate all of your comments on my "Follow your Star" post. I was very surprised at the reactions I got on that dress! I just think it's so mediocre but you all said it looked good! haha That makes me feel good. Just goes to show things look so much different through other people's eyes. Oh and lmao@ Allan's comment. You are too funny! I did, however, buy another dress that afternoon. I like it alot better than the first one I showed you. It is a size 13 in juniors (I say more like a 10 in ladies) and strapless! I need to lose a few lbs for sure though before I even attempt to go out in public in it. It zips up the side and is very sleek but it's SKIN TIGHT. Looks pretty good but it won't do me any good to wear it if I pass out from suffocation in it. I will try to pour myself into it again and take a picture to show all of you. Hopefully my working hard will pay off and I will have a nicer picture in it by the time the banquet rolls around.

My sister's bday dinner was great. I got her a bottle of Tequila Rose (her fav) and some new colored contacts. She loved it. Of course the night took a different turn later on when we got into a knock down drag out bar fight while playing pool at a local scene. My sister started some beef with an older woman there and they started fighting and of course I had to get into the middle of it and throw some punches to defend my sister and that ended with cops and all sorts of drama. I am fine just a bruised nose and that's about it. Haha...I told my sister it was a hell of a birthday but wouldn't mind if that doesn't happen for another decade or so.

On the food trail: I have been on and off the wagon a few times since my last post. As we all know, these holidays are ass kicking when it comes to staying good on your eating plans. Every year on Thanksgiving we spend the morning and noon with the hubby's family and the afternoon and evening at my mother's house. Luckily the hubby's family lives right down the road from my mom so it's convenient but we basically have to have 2 meals!!!! So usually I eat lightly at his family's house and then eat FOR REAL at my mom's. I prefer her food because it's what I am used to. She and I use my granny's recipes and I loved my granny's cooking. Anyway every year my mom gives me my food duties and tells me what she wants me to make and bring every year. Well this year I am making homemade baked mac and cheese, bread pudding and sweet sauce, and grape salad. Fairly easy foods to make but I just dread it anyway. I hate the whole rig-a-mor-o of the holidays. It's too stressful. Having to be here and there and everywhere in one day??? I have to work Friday too so that SUCKS! The hubby is off Thursday through Sunday. I am happy for him though because he barely gets 1 day a week of rest. So this will be good for him. My goal for Thanksgiving is to enjoy a little bit of everything and to NOT take any leftovers no matter how hard my mom tries to make me. Even if she hurls a piping hot plate at my car for not taking it, I don't care! As soon as this is over it's major business. Down and dirty serious.

Damn, I am rambling again. Ok well I will stop here. Otherwise I will find some other crap to elaborate on. haha. Well I won't be able to post again until Friday so I hope everyone has a Happy Turkey Day!!!!!

Gobble, gobble.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Follow your star...

No, don't worry, this isn't going to be some sappy post about following my dreams! I just told myself that the first thing I saw on my desk would be part of my title and I have this little keepsake my boss gave me for Christmas last year and it says "Follow your star". So there ya have it. My long drawn out, totally pointless explanation of my title!

(Deep breath)

Anyway I figured I'd write a little something since I may not have time tomorrow. I am taking a 1/2 a day of vacation tomorrow so I will leaving work early and will be super busy. The bestie and I will be going to see the new Harry Potter at the theatre. (I don't give a shit how dorky it is, I LOVE me some Harry Potter!) And we plan on having an early dinner before the movie. We have already planned on going to this fairly expensive but very good seafood restaurant called Pappa's. She looked at the menu and I may try the trilled tilapia. I have NEVER ordered fish before at a restaurant but I am willing to try it once in hopes of finding that it's actually good.

We are also going shopping for a few things. Every year in December our bank has a Christmas banquet at a local restaurant called the Monument Inn. The food is absolutely delicous and the bank buys every employees meal and we have door prizes and dancing and raffles and so on and so forth. It is a semi-formal event and everyone usually wears slacks or cutesy dresses. The last couple of years we have been dressing up more than usual and this year we went dress shopping and I found this dress.

I'm really not that crazy about it. It was cheap and I like that but I don't think it flatter my HUGE arms at all. It's a "maybe" right now. If I find something better shopping tomorrow then YAY!

Anyway...I have done fairly well today as far as food goes. I am working on getting in my 8 lbs of water as suggested by a fellow blogger!

My menu for the day:

Breakfast: Hot chai tea and 1 splenda with french vanilla powder. Vanilla greek yogurt and 1 tbsp of slivered almonds
32oz water
Lunch: Minestrone soup
32oz water
Snack: Gourmet trail mix about 2-3 tbsp (has dried bananas, pineapple, peanuts, dates, cashews, pumpkin seeds, etc) A little high calorie but protein is good and it's fresh stuff.
16oz water
Dinner: Fajita nachos minus the chips (includes sour cream, tomato, guacamole) It's my sister's 19th bday and we are eating Mexican food to celebrate!

That's it folks.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


Ok. I just gotta ask.. I have been seeing several of you ladies mention Click Protein and I have to know is this some kind of revolutionized protein powder/shake that actually tastes NOT like dog shit?????

Monday, November 15, 2010

Time to go buck wild on this shiznit

Ok. So I have spent all weekend in self-loathing basically sickened by myself and my lack of weight loss from my own stubborn unwillingness to do it! That's a mouthful. Anyway I have got to jump on this ghost bull and ride it for the full 8 seconds or it's never gonna happen. I don't know why it is so hard for me to get on the weight loss train and stay on it. Anyhoo enough metaphors....geesh.

Straight up, I HAVE to do this. No overthinking, just knowing that I have to do it.

I am sick and tired of looking at myself and seeing fat that should have been gone months ago.

I am sick and tired of eating my ass off and then hating myself for it.

I am sick and tired of being addicted to food.

I am sick and tired of caring so much, so often about what food I can devour next.

I am sick and tired of making excuses to not go to the gym when in all reality I don't go because I feel it's pointless after eating a million calories the same day.

I am sick and tired of not caring enough about myself to lose this weight.

I am sick and tired of seeing other bandsters who got banded the same month as me having lost double if not triple the weight I have.

I am sick and tired of seeing people at work lose weight without the band as if it's effortless and them constantly looking at me like "what are you waiting for?"

I am sick and tired of wishing instead of making it happen.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Well now that I got all of that out. I just have a tiny bit more to go. If you are still reading this far....thank you dear. I know you are bored to tears by now but this is mainly a venting post. Getting some deep seeded feelings out and about and hopefully will pave the path for me to get back on track...and stay on track.

I keep getting stuck on EVERYTHING lately. I think my allergies and sinuses and this cold weather has just done Lexi (band name) in and she is squeezing super tight lately. So I am going to stick to mushies for a while and see if that will help it out and maybe result in a few LBS lost too while I am at it. I am working on the whole calorie thing so we shall see!!!!

Menu today:

Breakfast: Hot green tea, fv coffemate powder, and 1 splenda. Blueberry greek yogurt and 1 tbsp of walnuts
Lunch: steamed broccoli and low fat cheese sauce pureed into a thick soup. (I didn't really care for this much. It reminded me of baby food.) I only took a few bites of this and trashed it. I happened to have a can of Progresso vegetable beef soup at my desk so I ate that instead.
Snack: Yoplait fruit smoothie (comes in a frozen bag with a ready mix of yogurt and fruits and you add 1 cup of skim milk)
Dinner: Tortilla soup minus the tortilla.

Plan on drinking about 5 bottles of water today too (80oz) Any more than that and I tend to hold onto it.
I want to hit the gym too.

Here we go!!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Well I would just like to say I wasn't really expecting comments on my tiny test post from yesterday but you ladies never let me down. You're so durn sweet! Thanks for that!

So on the food front. I baked a caramel apple cake last night. Totally decadent at a whopping 280 calories a slice!!!! Fairly large slices so I cut them in half to lessen the calories. I brought half of the cake to work with me today to share with friends and left the other half at home to share with the hubby. I like to get rid of desserts quickly so I am no so tempted. I know you must be thinking "then why do you make the stuff in the first place???" Well I like to bake and I like sweets lately but it's funny when I cook or bake I am less likely to eat more than a couple of servings of it. I think I more enjoy seeing other people enjoy my food! haha

Also, a friend of mine had a house-warming party on Saturday at her new apartment and I baked mississippi mud brownie bars. They were absolutely delicious and I was sooooo proud that out of the whole batch I only ate ONE!!! See the marshmallows in them? YUM

I haven't been eating a whole lot or very often but it's WHAT I eat that just bites major donkey ass. I just care so much and then two seconds later I am like "screw it!" I guess I am supposed to be stuck in the 180's for LIFE!!! Every day it's different but it usually ends the same with me eating like crap and overloading on rich calorie laden foods.

On another "awww...note" my sis-in-law just bought a new baby chichi puppy for her little girl as an early Christmas present. He is 7 weeks old. She couldn't come up with a name so I told her she should name him Bruiser and they loved the idea and so that is it!

Isn't he precious???

Mary and Me Friday night at Applebees after my brother's last game of the season. It was his first Varsity game and we won 55 to 14. My brother kicked ass! If you look closeley we both have our new colored contacts in. Mary's are blue and mine are honey colored!

Tomorrow is a holiday at my job so I probably won't post unless I send something from my phone!
Have a happy holiday everyone.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

This is a test to see if my mobile blogging is working. Nothing new really. I have been pretty down about not being able to stick to my diet plan or eat within my calorie range lately. But I will find my way out of the dark!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Just to say...

Well it's super late in the day. My co-worker friend is on vacation today and Monday which leaves me with both of our jobs and it's hectic as hell as it is. So I have just now gotten a moment to take a breath and write a little sumthin' sumthin'.

So what's going on in my life: Well let's see, I SUCK at sticking to anything I say I am going to do. That's one thing but then again that's been going on for a while now (11 years).

Just curious...have any of you been watching that show called "What's Eating Me?" or possibly "What's eating you?" on satellite/cable? It's about people with eating disorders and it's soooo very upsetting to me. Last night there was a woman who has been banded and has now gone from an overeater to a bulimic. She binges and purges like 10 times a day. How awful! And she is still very obese. It's crazy how obsessed you become. Sometimes I am surprised that I haven't traveled to those limits and become bulimic or anorexic. I never could bring myself to throw up. I tried when I was younger out of curiousity but it's very hard to make myself get sick. Of course this lady is using her lap band as her finger. Scary...I definitely have gotten the binging down though.

Why? Why does this shit have to be so difficult. I just can't wrap my mind around it. Feel free to send me a cyber-slap!

My brother is a freshman in high school and he just got put on the Varsity football team because he is that good! So I am going to his first varsity game tonight and am so excited for him! I am going to take pictures amap and I will post them on Monday.

Last night was my little sister's choir concert and I went to that and really enjoyed it. They sang all those corny songs they choose in school but I was still so proud of her. I find that even staying busy like I have been, I still somehow squeeze in crappy food or overeat and wham! no movement on the scale!

Anyhoo....I am outta here for now. Have a great weekend everyone!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

My sweet little Fancy!

I just couldn't resist sharing with you some fall/Halloween photos I took of my baby chichi, Fancy. She is 4 years old and this year she was a ghost for Halloween. She hates dress up so I only put her clothes on her long enough to take some pics and then I strip her down! Haha. I added some frames to gussie them up. Prepare to say "Awwww" several times because she is cute as a button!

See the little ghost on her sweater? :)

When she lays on her back she gets sleepy! 

She liked her little scarecrow buddy.

In other news, I was BAD again last night. And yes I mean BAD! I went grocery shopping and I think I may have left my brain on the conveyor belt because I bought a rather large box of Russel Stovers fine chocolates (you know the ones filled with all different kinds of delicious things) and I ate 3 of them as soon as I got in the car. It was already 7pm and I was starving by then because I ate lunch at 11am. So that was my own fault for not eating a snack in between. Hell it's ALL my fault but that's life. I also bought chocolate chip cookie dough. I LOVE to bake things but I usually only eat 1 or 2 of them and give the rest away to friends at work and the hubby. Weird huh?

So for dinner last night I bought a frozen pizza to bake in the oven. I always get myself the super thin crust pizzas. I found this brand that specializes in original flavors and this one caught my eye because it had pepperoni and large chunks/slices of fresh mozarella cheese. It looked heavenly. So I baked it.....and ate HALF of it. It was a medium, but still! I think that's about 3 large slices. I had pain over and over while eating it. I have been getting stuck alot lately thanks to this rainy weather and my sinuses. Damn drainage!!! I just took my time though. Later I opened the box of chocolates again and I ate half of almost every piece. More of a taste tasting, if you will. I saved the rest for the hubby. I ate one of the chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven and it was divine. So needless to say I was AWFUL, just awful last night. But I am trying to iron out that kink by doing good today.

Today's Menu:

Breakfast: hot green tea, fv coffeemate powder, 1 splenda. Greek yogurt with honey and walnuts
Lunch: 1 packet of starkist tuna, 1 tbsp of hellman's mayo, and about 8 sea salt melba snack crackers
Snack: Honest Ade Pomegranate Blue organic juice. (YUM and I am trying to ween myself off of Dr. Peppers and I am already getting a caffeine w/d headache)
Dinner: pureed broccoli and cheese (basically soup but less calories) and baked buffalo wings (4)

Calories: 994 calories

No more candy every day, etc etc etc. I really need to buckle down on myself and do this thing!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Halloween photos:

Well as I promised I am posting some freaky photos from the haunted house we did on Friday and Saturday night. It was an absolute blast!!! And it was quite successful. We had a pretty decent crowd for our first go round for this fire dept. and a pretty good review. A friend of mine said they went to 3 different haunted houses on Saturday night and that ours was, by far, the best and most scary. I am very proud of that. And although I was absolutely terrible over the weekend with eating no real meals and only having candy, cupcakes and cookies and the worst of all, Dr. Pepper here and there throughout the days I still managed to lose 2 lbs. I guess I burned calories staying busy.

Duh dun dun:

Me as a creepy witch! I did this with a nifty little app. on my iphone!

Mary, Me, and Cayla on Friday night

Two guys that acted in the haunted house: The first one was an escapee from an insane asylum and the second was a mummy.

My friend Jessica and me. She was a kitty cat and I was supposed to be a dead seductress.

Here we are again on Saturday night: I went all out with my makeup that night and tried to look as dead as possible!!! haha

That's it for now!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Portions and calories, Need advice!!!

Ok. so this is a quickie. I have probably skated around this question before but I need some opinions.  Hopefully I can make sense of it all while writing it. It's hard picking out logical ideas from this here head! haha

So here's the thing...which is better or should I say more prone to weight loss:

A. Eating smaller portions of not mindblowingly semi healthy foods


B. Eating larger portions of super healthy food

For example.... a small cup of broccoli and cheese soup for say, lunch  OR 3oz of meat and a green vegetable for lunch.

The point I am trying to get to is I know that counting calories works. But I find my counting calories method and my counting carbs method keep clashing in my daily thinking. It's like I keep trying to count calories and carbs at the same time and that makes me bored because then the only foods I have left are basically meats and veggies. I get B for bored when that's all I eat and I end up straying from any kind of plan all together and gaining again.

I read something in a magazine the other day about some trial study they did a while back to test that limiting calories does produce weight loss. They did a survey on some people and alot of them said even when they stick to a 1200 calorie a day plan they still don't lose weight. And the doctor said if you stuck those people in a room and gave them 1200 calories a day they would lose weight without a doubt and that the problem is people don't realize how much extra calories they are really consuming daily. That people lack the ability to recognize calories or estimate them.

I think this is me. I count calories and I SWEAR I can eat my daily target to lose so many ounces a day and I still don't lose. I don't get it. That leads me to thinking well I will have to count carbs too because it has to be the carbs that are keeping the weight on, right???? I don't know!!!! WHAT IS IT???????

I read blogs daily and so many times some of you provide your daily menu and it seems like some of you eat so very little. I just read on one that she only brought a couple of protein bars to work and a piece of fruit and that she would probably not eat lunch at all. HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT?????

I keep telling myself that all I have to do is eater smaller portions of high calorie foods and decent portions of low calorie foods and I will lose but it just isn't happening. Like some of you can just have that one little cup of soup for lunch and think well I stayed within a good amount of calories but in my head that seems unhealthy to only have some soup for lunch (even though I ate less than that on the pre-op diet). I just can't bring myself to eat less because I am afraid I am not eating enough but compared to some of you I am eating like a frickin cow!!!!

Does this all make sense? I know I am babbling but I really need as many opinions as possible. Maybe you can just tell me in short detail the rules you follow with eating.

Wow, this isn't short at all....oops! :)