Monday, November 15, 2010

Time to go buck wild on this shiznit

Ok. So I have spent all weekend in self-loathing basically sickened by myself and my lack of weight loss from my own stubborn unwillingness to do it! That's a mouthful. Anyway I have got to jump on this ghost bull and ride it for the full 8 seconds or it's never gonna happen. I don't know why it is so hard for me to get on the weight loss train and stay on it. Anyhoo enough metaphors....geesh.

Straight up, I HAVE to do this. No overthinking, just knowing that I have to do it.

I am sick and tired of looking at myself and seeing fat that should have been gone months ago.

I am sick and tired of eating my ass off and then hating myself for it.

I am sick and tired of being addicted to food.

I am sick and tired of caring so much, so often about what food I can devour next.

I am sick and tired of making excuses to not go to the gym when in all reality I don't go because I feel it's pointless after eating a million calories the same day.

I am sick and tired of not caring enough about myself to lose this weight.

I am sick and tired of seeing other bandsters who got banded the same month as me having lost double if not triple the weight I have.

I am sick and tired of seeing people at work lose weight without the band as if it's effortless and them constantly looking at me like "what are you waiting for?"

I am sick and tired of wishing instead of making it happen.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Well now that I got all of that out. I just have a tiny bit more to go. If you are still reading this far....thank you dear. I know you are bored to tears by now but this is mainly a venting post. Getting some deep seeded feelings out and about and hopefully will pave the path for me to get back on track...and stay on track.

I keep getting stuck on EVERYTHING lately. I think my allergies and sinuses and this cold weather has just done Lexi (band name) in and she is squeezing super tight lately. So I am going to stick to mushies for a while and see if that will help it out and maybe result in a few LBS lost too while I am at it. I am working on the whole calorie thing so we shall see!!!!

Menu today:

Breakfast: Hot green tea, fv coffemate powder, and 1 splenda. Blueberry greek yogurt and 1 tbsp of walnuts
Lunch: steamed broccoli and low fat cheese sauce pureed into a thick soup. (I didn't really care for this much. It reminded me of baby food.) I only took a few bites of this and trashed it. I happened to have a can of Progresso vegetable beef soup at my desk so I ate that instead.
Snack: Yoplait fruit smoothie (comes in a frozen bag with a ready mix of yogurt and fruits and you add 1 cup of skim milk)
Dinner: Tortilla soup minus the tortilla.

Plan on drinking about 5 bottles of water today too (80oz) Any more than that and I tend to hold onto it.
I want to hit the gym too.

Here we go!!!


  1. Don't beat yourself up. These food issues are really tough. If it were easy, we'd have no problem being thin. I know it is harder for the smaller ladies too. I was 280 lbs. to start so I had a lot more to lose (I say that because we were banded at the same time).

    I know your motivation will return and you'll get back to it.

  2. You can do it Jess! I also started around the same weight as you and my body hates parting with the lbs! Its very frustrating, I know!


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