Thursday, December 30, 2010

jrerrgjgrlgngrjtirutej! yeah whatev!

Yeah...not much to say. Not much at all. I am doing the whole one day at a time stuff right now. I have been pretty back and forth and up and down on losing weight the last few days. I feel determined one day and the next not so much. What is the deal? Why can't I just do it damn it? I know there's no excuse. It's ME! No one else can be blamed but me. My will power is like distant relatives, only comes around for special occasions. It's freaking ridiculous! My head just isn't in it. That's why the all or nothing syndrome has plagued me for so long. Because I will get my head in the game for a few weeks and then ONE little slip up/allowance and I am mudsliding down back to the beginning of the mountain to have to start the hike all over again.

Anyone else watching the new MTV show that premiered last night called "I used to be fat"???? I have been waiting for it to start and I watched it last night and loved it. The girl from last night did really well and ended up losing almost 100 pounds in just 4 months. She busted ass. Now why can't I do that???? I get all super motivated watching shows like that and the Biggest Loser and I tell myself at night..."ok when you wake up in the morning you will do this. You will eat clean healthy foods and exercise for an hour at the gym tomorrow or at home and you are gonna do this!!!!" Then I wake up and am still slightly ready for it (not as much as the night before) and then by lunch I am wavering a bit and break the promise a little and because of that by dinner I am totally unmotivated and have skipped the gym and most of the food I brought to eat healthy throughout the day. Once again back to square one. What the hell is my problem people???? Why can't I do this like you? Is it my head? I am seriously thinking a padded cell is sounding pretty tempting right now or being stranded on an island with Tom Hanks with fish and coconuts. I am so tired of hearing myself complaining about not being able to do this.

Another thing... I don't understand this part. For the most part I don't eat so bad. Compared to how I used to eat pre-band I am an angel now. Even when I "slip up" my calories are still basically low. My metabolism must be completely screwed up.  Like yesterday for example. I had plain greek yogurt with some splenda and 1 tbsp walnuts(about 200 calories). Then for lunch I had about 4 boudain balls with jalapeno ranch dressing (about 250 calories). I had a dr. pepper on ice mid-day (150 calories). Then for dinner I had spinach artichoke dip and tortilla chips from Chili's (sadly about 700 calories). For a grand total of 1300 calories yesterday. This was quite a bit compared to what I usually eat. So that's my stumper. Shouldn't I at least lose a couple of ounces here and there when I'm not being goody good? My calories are almost always still under control even at my worst. It seems like I have to do extra for my body to respond. I know some of you just stick to portion control or about 1300 calories every day and you don't have to pay so much attention to what you eat and you still lose. That doesn't work for me. If I eat remotely unhealthy my body shuts down and either gains or won't budge! I just want you all to know how lucky you are that just cutting portions does the trick for you. Really! I just can't imagine having to eat foods that taste like cardboard for the rest of my life to reap the same benefits that people who eat normally get to enjoy every day. (waaahhh wahhhh wahhhhhhh) haha

Today's menu:

Breakfast: Decaf hot green tea and plain greek yogurt with splenda, banana extract, and 1 tbsp of walnuts.
Lunch: taco salad with chicken fajita probably
Snack: string cheese
Dinner: Salad with tuna and French dressing

Ok. I am done for the day. No more complaining....your ears must be burning from all the fire spewing I've been doing! haha


  1. It gets frustrating from time to time. I know how you feel about the motivation part. I love those types of make over shows, but I still sit on my butt!

  2. Oh, a deep breath and count to ten.

    For one thing, the scale doesn't respond that quickly to what you are doing. If you eat goody today and see a drop tomorrow, it's probably water being shed because of the lack of salt. If you eat "bad" today and rack up 2000 calories, it won't reflect tomorrow, it's probably going to be a week. The scale doesn't give you feedback for the day, it gives feedback for overall.

    I'm sorry if I'm preaching, I'm sure you know this, but you seem upset about some of this and I want you to know, you aren't alone and it isn't weird just for you. The biggest trick to losing weight is that our minds want to make sense of all of this and some of it just doesn't make sense.

    It's not about being good or bad or perfect or sinful. It's about making the wise choice 90% of the time. If you make the "unwise" choice all on one day it's going to impact things much more than if you spread it out over the week.

    One thing I've found is that the calories for the week matter more than the calories for the day. If you are shooting for 1200 calories a day, then you should be getting 8400 calories a week. It doesn't matter if you get 1600 one day and 800 the next day, so long as you come in around 8400 at the end of the week.

    I created a spreadsheet that lets me see how that average works out. I was able to determine a range that was good for me, in my case, between 8000 and 8400 a week. In the weeks when I am inside that range, I lose. If I am over OR if I am under...I don't.

    Keep ranting and complaining and letting it out. This is doable. And no matter what, keep at it. Eventually your body will realize it has no choice and it will let go of some of those pounds.

  3. I love your title! I'm in the same boat as you-always going to start or do something tomorrow. But I do have to go back to the gym-next Monday. I know your weight will start to move. It just has to. Have you talked to your doc about a fill?


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