Monday, February 8, 2010

Sorrow begets me

My dear grandmother passed away Saturday February 6, 2010. I am devastated to the point of sickness. I loved her so much and I honestly don't know how I will live without her. My heart is broken right now and I am trying to pick up the pieces. The service is tomorrow and the following day I must go meet with the surgeon for my consultation. I am hoping that by losing my appetite already I can successfully start the pre-op diet on Wednesday as required and complete it. This is an awful time for my family and I and it seems like now more than ever I am conflicted. One hour I feel just sick in the pit of my stomach and the next I want to eat my pain away. I have always eaten my feelings (happy, sad, angry, thrilled,etc) and I realize how hard it will be to discontinue that even with the band. The mind still wants what the body can't handle. But I know she is in such a better place and she has missed our lost loved one soooo much for soooo long that I am relieved for her in a way. I just miss her.


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