La dee da!

I figured I would try to post. Perfect timing since blogland is in an uproar from all it's technical difficulties that have been occurring. I have been keeping up on reading but can't comment half of the time so know this, I still love you guys and am trying to let you know this but blogger won't allow it!

Now for an update. I know everyone is dying to know if I'm at goal yet....I mean I must be...it's been long enough hasn't it? Well NOT even close!!! haha in fact I am stuck in quick sand as we speak drowning in seas of lard and yogurt butter with a touch of granola on top. Yup that's me. I have literally gone from carb counting, to calorie counting, now I am thinking about going paleo again like I used to. I AM LOSING IT FOLKS! Certainly, losing it (and I don't mean lbs either).

On a side note: This really has absolutely nothing to do with anything but I thought I'd mention it anyway since I'm doing so great at blubbering so far. I look at my cell earlier and I had a missed call and voicemail from a strange unknown number. I call it back to see what it is and it's a weight loss surgery center in San Antonio asking me if I ever got surgery. Apparently I had called them back in 2009 to price the lapband at that location. HA! Here's how that went:

Woman: Did you ever have a surgery?

Me: Yes, in Feb 2010 in Houston.

Woman: What did you have done?

Me: Lapband.

Woman: And how has that worked out for you

Me: Pause....Pause...longer pause.... It's worked out ok. (Instantly feeling I should play UP the band and make it sound like my results have been marvelous even though they haven't thanks to my head)

Woman: Oh? (in a tone suggesting she would like more than just "OK")

Me: Pause again....I mean I've done fairly well with it. (like being punched in the gut with guilt for lying)

Woman: Have you been following up with your aftercare as far as adjustments go?

Me: Yes......I am in a good place right now. (Not really. I mean I don't need a fill because I am still a little tight and get stuck out of the blue on a daily basis. BUT I think another unfill would leave me ravenous.)

Woman: Well congrats on following through with the surgery and I am glad it worked out for you!

Me: Thanks alot!

Click...


Instantly I thought Oh my gosh, I wonder if they would revise the band for free???? hahahahaha yeah right! Now I know some of you are probably screaming at your monitors right now, "oh you crazy beotch! How you gonna talk smack about the band???" First of all, I am not blaming the band by any means for me not losing. I honestly feel that the weight I have lost (technically 16lbs now that I have gained some back from my lowest) was ALL ME. It didn't have much to do with the band. I know this, because I did it before the band. I have yet to break my lowest low of 169lbs that I got to a few years ago when I did the South Beach Diet for 3 months. In 2 months I had lost 20lbs back then and got down to 169lbs and gained it all back, of course. I haven't seen that number with the band. I think my lowest with the band was 174lbs and that lasted for like a second.

I think my head is too much of a problem still. I don't know if it will ever allow me to truly use the band as the tool it's meant to be. No, this isn't just a phase I am going through because I am discouraged. I have felt this way for a while but was in denial. I didn't want to admit that I basically threw $12,000 down the drain by getting a surgery that EVERYONE close to me told me I shouldn't get. They said that I could do it on my own and I just KNEW without a doubt that the lapband was the answer to doing it. But I think I was wrong. I should've known that I needed to fix my head first. I feel like I am back at square one trying a different diet every other day, obsessed with reading weight loss stories, magazines, books, etc all over again like I used to do. It's like I don't even have the band. And to top things off I think my metabolism is shot for now. It seems that even if I make an effort for a week or so the scale doesn't respond...AT ALL. I think that's why I long for that "new miracle diet" to pop up still to maybe jump start me. I know one thing, I am tired of this cycle.

Anyhoo...it's only taken me like 2 hours to write this with all the interruptions at work. So I will sign off by saying....Too-daloo friends!