Therapy is in session!

Well I realize this post will probably be forgotten/not seen since 90% of blogland boobs are in Chicago right now! (Lucky you if ya are!!!)

Anyhoo, first off, TGIF. and I mean...TGIF!!!! Hell of a week it has been. I know I haven't been posting alot lately but I have been keeping up my blog reading on a daily basis (very proud of that, BTW!) Well I have been....sick. Yes, every since Sunday I have been trying to overcome a progressive cough that started with an itchy throat and turned into this God awful wheezing chest cough! Well, have I mentioned that I don't get sick? No, really. I don't! I haven't even had so much as a cold in probably 3 years. It's true! Lucky me, I know! Weird, but true. So here I sit with this stupid coughing and fatigue so I went to el doctoro yesterday to see if I could get some kind of cough meds and what does he say???? He diagnoses me with severe allergies and post-nasal drip! Really???? Ok. Hmm...Yeah so they give me a shot in the behunkos (ass) and a script for an albuterol inhaler (for the wheezing cough...just in case) and for nasonex (nasal spray..for the post-nasal drip). Looked at my ears and said that I had fluid build-up and extremely swollen eustacian tubes and eardrum thanks to that post-nasal drip that I have been dealing with for like 2 years now. Who knew???
So I think the shot made the stupid cough WORSE, because now I am coughing constantly that stupid sore, dry cough that never stops itching! Crap!!!

Also, my PawPaw has been in and out of the hospital for the last 2 months with congestive heart failure and a world of other problems. He was married to my grandmother that passed away in February, that I am always referring to. She died from CHF and it's freaking me the hell out. I haven't really mentioned it on here because I don't like to talk about it. But I figure I'd mention it cuz...well after all, therapy is in session (refer to post title).

Anyway....so Here comes the awful truth on the weigh loss end.....why I haven't been posting much....why I think I am losing my frickin' mind.....

I don't know if I can do it anymore. (exhale) Do you ever get tired of having to think so much about it all? I mean I get tired of having to constantly PLAN, and TIME, and THINK, and OBSESS on how to lose weight. Even when you don't "diet" you still have to spend a considerable amount of time on planning things like how many bottles of water to drink and how often, what to cook/buy/eat out for all your meals, when to eat, how many times of day to eat. Am I eating too much? Not enough? All the wrong things?

Should I care more about portions and eat whatever I want just in small doses? FAILED, because when I am eating something I love insanity takes over and I just can't stop at 1 cup!

Should I focus more on eating healthy and enjoy a bigger portion? FAILED, because I get bored to death of meat and veggies and whatever else I plan to eat healthy.

Should I do the pre-op diet again to detox from carbs? Plan on trying that starting Monday. But it will probably FAIL, because I have no absolute drastic reason to stick to that either like I did before surgery. Back then I had to do it because the surgeon would have cancelled my surgery.

I honesty don't know what the hell to do. I am at my wit's (2 t's ???) end. I don't know anymore. I feel like I am slipping on this. I mean come on, I have CHOSEN to screw up over and over again all to lose only 27lbs in the last 7 months, including pre-op?????? Really????? REALLY???? I hate myself right now. I really do.

I know it's my own fault because I made the choices but damn, I feel like I can't beat my mind. I can't beat my stupid head hunger and constant obsessing over what I shouldn't have.

I think I truly need therapy.

Photos from the big weekend!

Ok so as promised I am providing some photos from the BFF's notorious bday. It was a blast and she had a great time.

Mary and I were in the back seat and our friend Nikki was in the front

We were on our way to the bar to party!

In the back: Some cop that works at the bar, Cayla, Nikki

In the front: Me and Mary

Ashley and I at the restaurant we went to before the bar.

Rickey, Kitti, and me at the bar. (Please ignore the cigarette. I smoke when I drink, very rarely)

Here's a good closeup of me and Kitti

I wanted to show you all how far Mary has come. She is looking really good but she doesn't blog much anymore. I don't have any full body pics of her though. Darn!

Well until later.....goodbye roses!

Re: To my Face Shot

Oh my goodness! I am totally blushing right now after reading all the sweet comments you ladies left me yesterday on my face shot post. You are all so sweet I could just eat you up!!! I feel like a million bucks now! :) Thanks for that!

Also, tomorrow is the BFF, Mary's, birthday! She will be the big 25!!!! I can't believe it. We have been BFF's for 16 years as of August of this year. OH, how time flies....So yeah hopefully I will have some decent party pictures to post after. Nothing too racy I hope, hehe.


Thought I would share this too cute picture. And no Draz, you don't need one! haha

I feel like a nappy too! :)

Tata for now!

Face Shot!

Hello dearies! I just thought I would share a before and after pic of the "money maker". ahhahahahahaaa I don't think I realized until now that the weight loss in my face has created some kind of cat eye effect. And what I once thought was a round/oval face type now seems more heart shaped? I dunno, you tell me!

Ta-da!

Before: This time last year!

After: Me prowlin in my car! haha I have that hint of "crazy" in my eye! Freaky!

Anyhoo that's it for today. Just wanted to stop in and say hello! Buh-bye for now!

I got an award? Awww :)

The rules are as follows:

1. Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

I would change many things really. I know for sure one thing I regret sooo very much now is not spending enough time with my Granny. And now it is too late to show her just how very much she meant the world to me. I tell myself she knew already but there were so many occasions I let the opportunity slip by and I regret it to my core! I would also go to college (which I may still do!)

2. Pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award.


Drazil
Pie
Keelie
Sandy Lee
Janelle
Angie

There's a bunch of you I would like to award. I tried to give most of them to my newer peeps that I have never awarded before!

3.You have to thank the person (people) who gave you the award.



Thanks you so much Amanda and Grace! This is totally awesome and I am stoked to get if from you both. Ya'll are sooo sweet!

BYOC for the first time in a while!

Well I know I haven't been around much, but I just haven't had much to say. My weight loss and I are at a stalemate. (spelling?) So yeah there that is! Ugh. Now time for....

BYOC:

1. If a major newspaper wrote an article about you today, what would the headline be?


Crazy lady beats her husband with a stick and claims that her lap-band told her to do it. She has been locked in a padded cell until further notice. (Creepy. I know.)
 
2. Name one thing you like about being an adult.


Having my own money that I earned and being responsible and in charge of my own things.
 
3. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon when you were a kid?


I watched X-Men alot and I used to adore Winnie the Pooh. There's more but it's all a blur! I wasn't much of a cartoon gal either. I was watching horror movies by the time I was like 5 so I preferred Nightmare on Elm Street over the toons.
 
4. When is the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt about them?


Well that would be last night when I poured my heart out to my husband who acts like a complete ass when he works nights. Yeah needless to say that didn't go too well and the silent treatment will resume for who knows how long. Oh joy!
 
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in life and in blogland.
 
Ok. Just how many BYOC's have I missed? #5 has changed???? Hmm..Well my week life has been B for boring. Basically I woke up, went to work, ate terrible at lunch, worked, ate terrible at dinner and stayed up all night tossing and turning to wake up 5 hours later and do it all over again. Woo hoo. Blogland: well not much has happened to me in blogland either. I haven't been posting very much but I have been trying to keep up on my blog reading so that was fun.
 
I know I am a sour sally right now. Bare with me. Life just isn't all that grand right now but that's the rollercoaster of life right? Yeah soooo I might be going to the tattoo shop to get my last tattoo redone. It's faded quite a bit already and the words are REALLY faded. I also want to add something to it.
 
"Un dia la vez" is Spanish for "A day at a time" . I really like that. It means something to me. But I might see how it looks translated in latin or possibly sanskrit. Not sure yet. Anyhoo. Have a great weekend everyone!

Thousand Words Thursday

So this week's topic is something we love about ourselves, right? Ok. So one thing I don't mind having is....my eyes. I like that they are green and the tattoo eyeliner doesn't hurt either! :) I do, however, wish my eyebrows were a tad darker but that's ok! Great idea Amy!

Weight loss? Ha not so much. I have been bouncing up and down and up down on the scale. My head hunger is almost impossible to beat (for me anyway). I have never been much of a sweets craver. I have always been more infatuated with carby, salty foods like pasta, bread, rice, chips, crackers. But lately I crave sweets like CRAZY! I just want cake and cookies and sauces and creams and chocolates and gah! I am like WTF? Do I have some kind of deficiency in vitamins right now that is causing me to crave sweets or what? It just never stops. As soon as I do well I crack under pressure again. It doesn't help at all that the hubby is on the night shift this month so I never get to see him and I am left home....alone....at night with nothing but my cravings and my chihuahua. Well she can't stop me from eating the sweets so I am screwed! Blah!

Also I think my hope for this last fill being "the one" has failed. Because although I have been watching my portions on my own I have found that the few times I have gone "wild" and eaten more than what I should be I have NO problem whatsoever. In fact, the stuck pain I was having all the time before the fill hasn't been happening anymore. I have been chewing my food alot better so that could be why but I still can't figure out how in the hell with 7.7cc's I can still eat an entire square of lasagna and a slice of cheesy garlic bread without a single pain, PB, etc. I have issues with trying to test the band with foods like this just to see if the last fill will prevent me from eating my naughty foods and it never does. So I think I am going to schedule another fill soon.

We shall see!