Friday, September 24, 2010

Therapy is in session!

Well I realize this post will probably be forgotten/not seen since 90% of blogland boobs are in Chicago right now! (Lucky you if ya are!!!)

Anyhoo, first off, TGIF. and I mean...TGIF!!!! Hell of a week it has been. I know I haven't been posting alot lately but I have been keeping up my blog reading on a daily basis (very proud of that, BTW!) Well I have been....sick. Yes, every since Sunday I have been trying to overcome a progressive cough that started with an itchy throat and turned into this God awful wheezing chest cough! Well, have I mentioned that I don't get sick? No, really. I don't! I haven't even had so much as a cold in probably 3 years. It's true! Lucky me, I know! Weird, but true. So here I sit with this stupid coughing and fatigue so I went to el doctoro yesterday to see if I could get some kind of cough meds and what does he say???? He diagnoses me with severe allergies and post-nasal drip! Really???? Ok. Hmm...Yeah so they give me a shot in the behunkos (ass) and a script for an albuterol inhaler (for the wheezing cough...just in case) and for nasonex (nasal spray..for the post-nasal drip). Looked at my ears and said that I had fluid build-up and extremely swollen eustacian tubes and eardrum thanks to that post-nasal drip that I have been dealing with for like 2 years now. Who knew???
So I think the shot made the stupid cough WORSE, because now I am coughing constantly that stupid sore, dry cough that never stops itching! Crap!!!

Also, my PawPaw has been in and out of the hospital for the last 2 months with congestive heart failure and a world of other problems. He was married to my grandmother that passed away in February, that I am always referring to. She died from CHF and it's freaking me the hell out. I haven't really mentioned it on here because I don't like to talk about it. But I figure I'd mention it cuz...well after all, therapy is in session (refer to post title). Here comes the awful truth on the weigh loss end.....why I haven't been posting much....why I think I am losing my frickin' mind.....

I don't know if I can do it anymore. (exhale) Do you ever get tired of having to think so much about it all? I mean I get tired of having to constantly PLAN, and TIME, and THINK, and OBSESS on how to lose weight. Even when you don't "diet" you still have to spend a considerable amount of time on planning things like how many bottles of water to drink and how often, what to cook/buy/eat out for all your meals, when to eat, how many times of day to eat. Am I eating too much? Not enough? All the wrong things?

Should I care more about portions and eat whatever I want just in small doses? FAILED, because when I am eating something I love insanity takes over and I just can't stop at 1 cup!

Should I focus more on eating healthy and enjoy a bigger portion? FAILED, because I get bored to death of meat and veggies and whatever else I plan to eat healthy.

Should I do the pre-op diet again to detox from carbs? Plan on trying that starting Monday. But it will probably FAIL, because I have no absolute drastic reason to stick to that either like I did before surgery. Back then I had to do it because the surgeon would have cancelled my surgery.

I honesty don't know what the hell to do. I am at my wit's (2 t's ???) end. I don't know anymore. I feel like I am slipping on this. I mean come on, I have CHOSEN to screw up over and over again all to lose only 27lbs in the last 7 months, including pre-op?????? Really????? REALLY???? I hate myself right now. I really do.

I know it's my own fault because I made the choices but damn, I feel like I can't beat my mind. I can't beat my stupid head hunger and constant obsessing over what I shouldn't have.

I think I truly need therapy.


  1. ITs hard.. half the time i feel like im doing it wrong and i obsess a lot over it all and it can get draining but it depends on how much of a change you want, to how much you want to hang in there.

    Therapy is a good thing to do during all this process.

    I try to be a bit balanced with both, be really focused sometimes then chill others id prob go insane.

    You can do it!

  2. For one thing, you started at a lower weight than a lot of us, so losing 27 pounds means more for you than it does for, say, me. And the way I see it, you are LIVING your life, which is what you are supposed to do when you have the band, not necessarily DIET all the time, but try to adopt a healthier lifestyle. That doesn't mean you will always eat perfect, but maybe better than you used. I think you are better than you used to be, right?

    Let's say it takes you 2 years to lose all your weight that you wanna lose, is that really so bad? 2 years from now and you will be good to go for the rest of your life. I know we all want it to go super fast but sometimes it just won't, and even the "slow" weight loss is still kind of cool 2 years down the road.

    Don't be discouraged, just do what you gotta do and eventually you will see your results. I believe in you!

  3. Just lending some support. I think the old habits are super hard to break and if it were so easy, we wouldn't have gotten the band to begin with. I think Janelle has the best outlook and you should follow her advice. She's got a great attitude.

  4. This journey is a long hard one. Keep moving forward. We don't need to lose the weight fast, we just need to lose the weight. You can do this.

    I'm sorry about your grandpa, I know how that feels. I hope that he feels better soon.

  5. Oh dear, it will be OK. Perhaps you should ease up on yourself? I plan pretty minimally-- and whilst I am not losing fast, I am losing.
    You CAN do this, there is no one right and straight road. I suggest that you take a few days "off' from planning and just live the band rules without a plan.
    The only requirements I'd suggest are that you avoid any side effects (PB's/ sliming) and any foods that cause those-- and that you drink a glass of water before each meal. And: you avoid sliders-- as you know those are a key to having trouble... a slippery slope to bad eating.
    That's not too hard, right? How bout it.
    You can do this-- don't give up , you're very close to goal!!


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