What in the world???

Is anyone else having trouble with blogger? For the last couple of weeks I have been having technical things going on like when I go to write a new post it won't load all of the tool bar above and so it just keeps pending. Then in the middle of reading posts the comment box will disappear and I can't comment. It's like it just comes and goes throughout the day. This is really starting to tick me the hell off!

Now that I've fumed about that. I wanted to say thanks to everyone's comments from my last post. Allan, you are too funny and slightly pervy...haha!!! You crack me up! As always your wonderful comments are very uplifting.

I wasn't feeling well yesterday. I kept having this pain shoot through my right cheekbone and into my ear. Everyone is getting flu-like symptoms around here and I BETTER NOT be getting sick! I just felt shitty all day and I decided I would suck ass and order Mexican food and gorge (kinda). I ordered a dish called the Brian's special and it comes layered as a dip with ground beef, refried beans, and mexican cheese. Obviously I ate several chips with it. Afterwards I felt liked I'd just been wiped off of someone's shoe. I took a nap and just felt awful. To top it off I ate a weight watchers fudge bar a few hours later for dessert. UGH! haha...but I have been thinking alot about what you all keep drilling telling me about. That I need to stop being so hard on myself about every single thing I don't feel is up to par.

I HAVE made progrees (slowly but true)
I HAVE lost inches from working out.
I CAN continue on and get to my goal (maybe just not as quickly as some)
I DO feel more confident than ever NOW.
I SHOULD be happy with where I am because HERE isn't so bad after all.


I want to keep going but the more I look at my pictures and read your comments about what you think of my progress I am starting to realize that maybe that's why I have been stuck in the 170's since last July. Maybe because when I look at myself I don't feel DISGUSTED anymore. I am giving myself more inner compliments than before. Maybe I am slacking off of losing more weight because I unconciously don't really mind where I am at. I think I honestly feel like my mini goal of 150 is unattainable. I don't know why. It's not that I think I CAN'T do it. It's that I feel like I WON'T do it. I am worried I will keep self sabotaging because I don't mind being 170-something lbs if I look like this. I realize that I don't LOOK like I weigh that much. I hear it all the time. Maybe that's given me a lame excuse to not keep trying. Like I'm telling myself "Well why bother, everyone thinks you look great. You're fine here."

Really, I want to make it to my goals because I want to prove to myself that it's possible. That I am strong enough to do it. It just seems like that day may never come. I don't intend on quitting by any means but I am tired of constantly worrying about it all. It's a worry that never leaves. I am ALWAYS thinking about what to do next, what to eat next, what exercise I should do next. It gets so damn old always obsessing abou it. So I am going to promise myself to go with the flow more and stop being such a stick in the ass in this process.

So there...

Have a great weekend...

The end!