Monday, March 15, 2010

Old Habits die Hard, Hard, Hard!

I was very, very bad this weekend! I deserve a major whoopin' and my guilt is getting me! So here goes, I have noticed (as everyone said I would) that I am able to eat more and more at each meal. I still have restriction (thank goodness) but not as much as I did the first 2 weeks. I know the swelling in my stomach has gone down and it's giving me a lil more room to work with. I am getting beyond sick of soups and I just can't get the hang of the whole mushy foods thing. I basically am still doing thick liquids cause I feel like the mushy is pointless. I don't want chicken/tuna salad by itself. I like to eat that with crackers, chips, or bread and I can't have any of that so I don't want it period. It doesn't sound appealing to me. I can have mashed potatoes but I don't feel like it. So the only thing I have really started that is mushy is my grits in the morning and then my refried beans with cheese and salsa (getting sick of it after eating it 3 days in a row). boredom got the best of me. It all started Friday night when MARY (yes, blaming her hehe) had this great idea that if I am allowed mushies now that I could probably get away with eating a couple Jack in the Box tacos and just getting rid of the hard shell part and eating the mushy innards. When she first thought of this days before my initial reaction was "NO! I am not eating that, it's loaded with fat and calories!" hehe well needless to say I got over that and I got 2 tacos AND....a big AND 3 stuffed jalapeno peppers!!!!! I only planned on eating one of those and I did only eat one but still! The soft part of the tacos and the pepper went down just fine. No problems....I felt shame! Then....on Saturday night I was starving and I had no soup on hand and I was having issues with the hubby so I was kinda down and decided I would like another 2 tacos from Jack in the Crack. So we went there and I got the 2 tacos AGAIN AND...a big AND... potato wedges with cheese and bacon. So I ate the soft part of the tacos and 1/3 of the wedges and again it went fine. I did have a lil sick feeling an hour later but it lasted a very short time. And again Shame....

And now today, for lunch, Mary wanted to go to lunch at Jax again and they have the best steak fries in the world so what did I do???? I ordered the potato soup AND...there's that damn and again.....steak fries! I ended up eating all but 3 fries and half of my soup. That was honestly, a lil painful for about 20 minutes. But other than that, no stuck, no problem!!!!! And the reason I say old habits die hard is because upon doing all of this it isn't for's for my head. I know I have restriction because I really can tell when I am actually hungry now. Which is a plus because before I confused my boredom for hunger. But now I know when my tummy is growling and I feel empty that I am hungry. So I happy for that. But I am getting brave with the band and I wish I wasn't. I keep testing it. I promised myself I wouldn't do that and really you couldn't have paid me to do that the first week!

I can't wait until Wednesday when I can start eating semi-normal again. My plan is to eat 6 days a week really well. High protein, low carb and then on day 6 or 7 I can treat myself to a small portion of 2 things I really really want that's not so healthy. Even my doc recommended that to keep yourself from feeling deprived of your fav foods. Also my hubby and I are moving into a new home and will have a stove. (we have a stove now but it's propane and I don't like it so I don't use it!) I will have more options to cook and try new exciting....well I am babbling on and on and on....So thanks, if you are still reading.
I realize that my band is a tool. I know I am going to use it well soon, I just am getting so discouraged that my weight has not changed. I know some of you told me that you stalled in the beginning too and that it will pick up eventually and I know it's just unsettling when you keep seeing the scale go up a pound and down 2 pounds and up 3 pounds and down 3 pounds. GRRRRR.....

Also, I took some before pictures in a bikini of mine. I will not post them until I have some AFTER pics! coming soon, hopefully.


  1. It is really hard to have to restrict your food so much. We know this after years of the whole diet, binge cycle. I think it is perfectally natural to "test" the band and to crave so called "bad" foods when you are trying not to eat them. I would encourage you to do a couple of things. #1 I have heard time and time again that the first few weeks asfter being banded and before the first fill is NOT A WEIGHT LOSS TIME. Our bodies are recovering from surgery and there is very little restriction in place. #2 Adopt a diet in which you eat whatever you want. Don't make any foods forbidden. Instead plan your food so that if you want these things, you can have them in moderation. #3 Forgive yourself. Guilt leads to shame which leads to the binge cycle. Thanks for blogging!

  2. I could not have said what Amanda said any better. Great advice!

  3. Oh, I remember when the hunger hit at week 2. I had started to add carbs and not a lot of protein. That seemed to set me off. I finally found some softer crackers to eat my chicken salad with so it helped me get in some protein. After that, I just wanted to eat anything (and I could) including pulled beef on hamburger buns. Then last week at week 4 with my first fill-new experience as I can only eat a few bites. Learning is a slow process but it will come. And I think Mary needs to be locked up somewhere where she won't be tempting you. LOL. Just kidding.

  4. Thanks for the advice. It helps out alot. I love being able to talk to people who KNOW what I am talking about.
    Sandy: hahaha!!!! Yes, it is sad but true. Mary and I do feed off of each other when it comes to food. We both are obsessed with food and because we have been friends for sooooo long we tend to do that to each other. We are so used to "going out to eat" that it is the normal thing in our friendship and alot of our bonding moments is over food! Sad, sad, sad. Soooo....we will have to start keeping each other on track now and we have already discussed us being able to order one meal at a restaurant and her and I sharing it since our food intake will be so limited. Saving money and temptation!!!! yay


Thanks for the comment! Appreciate it!