Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Bored to tears :*(

Hello All and Happy Tuesday to ya! WARNING***This is gonna be a long one***Ok So I got your comments on my dilemma, the thing is I get sooooo bored with eating when it's boring food. I know you are all rolling your eyes in frustration right now. Believe me I have read, studied, obsessed with the RIGHT way to eat for years. I can tell you how to perform any diet, any exercise, etc etc but putting it to use myself is el problemo! Yeah, see, when I eat foods that I don't really enjoy or find appealing because they are plain and boring I would rather just not eat. I have always been the all or nothing gal. I honestly am beginning to think I REALLY am a little OCD on some things, like how papers are arranged on my desk (they are always in the same spots) and I don't like things out of order. I have a specific routine for many things and if, for some reason, that routine gets out of order whether it be at work or at home I get very frustrated and feel as though I need to start over. (I know, OCD, right?) I am not psycho about it but I have actually realized that maybe I do have a lil issue. Well it's the same with eating and exercising. If I start my day with a protein shake (no morning appetite) and then supposed to have something healthy at lunch like chicken salad, then by lunch time I have done talked myself into going to taco bell instead because the chicken salad sounds B-O-R-I-N-G! So then I eat taco bell and feel that I have ruined my entire day and that I won't be able to try again until tomorrow!!!! So from that point I just eat whatever, however much I want and think "oh well, I will just try again tomorrow". I know what I am doing and that when I mess up I should just start again right after but I CAN'T. I feel like I have messed my body up for the day and that it only "magically" resets when I sleep at night. Why am I like this? Do you think I should see a therapist? Seriously! I am stuck!

As far as saving all of my calories for one meal, I know it's not how you are supposed to do it. But I have this mentality right now that as long as I try to stick to a pre op diet right now I can lose a few more pounds until I get to a fill that makes a difference. I know some of you told me to "let the band do it's job" but I can't because it's not doing its job yet and it's all up to me until it does. If I had will power I wouldn't have gotten banded so that's the problem. The only time I have gained some will power was during the pre op diet so I keep telling myself if I could just do that again I could lose more weight. I know I should be eating small meals and a couple of snacks. But I am soooo bored and lazy. When it comes to having to plan out several meals and snacks I just huff and puff and give up. I have been trying to cook dinner every night and just the thought of that makes me cringe so trying to prepare 3 meals and snacks is just too much of a hassle to me. (I know, I know, you wanna hang me up by my toes right about now) I know how damn lazy I sound but like so many of you have said, it is hard to change who you have always been and for me, I have always been an "eat at restaurants 90% of the time" kinda gal and I love my bad food. So the change is devastating to me as much as I want to be healthy and fit and improve myself and my confidence, part of me makes excuses to stay this way so I will have a reason to eat my favorite foods. Yup I need to see a shrink now. Ok I am done for now.

I found this super cool app on my i-phone and I thought I would share a few of the pics I made. It's really neato!
This is my Fancy pants being sketched

Me, in an antique frame. Actually that picture in the frame I took the other day in
memory of my Granny who passed away in February. The hand under the chin was her
signature pose and she was absolutely beautiful!(see below) God, I miss her.

Granny, I love you!

I am done for now. Fill tomorrow!!!! Thank goodness.


  1. Oh I love that pic. I'm OCD too - papers on my desk, planning, lists, etc....and when it doesn't work out I'm crushed and I falter - which defeats the whole purpose and I risk never experiencing spontaneity. I'm trying to change it - life it too short to be so strict with myself you know?

  2. You should frame the two pics in one frame and make them both black and white. You look just like her!


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