Bored to tears :*(

Hello All and Happy Tuesday to ya! WARNING***This is gonna be a long one***Ok So I got your comments on my dilemma, the thing is I get sooooo bored with eating when it's boring food. I know you are all rolling your eyes in frustration right now. Believe me I have read, studied, obsessed with the RIGHT way to eat for years. I can tell you how to perform any diet, any exercise, etc etc but putting it to use myself is el problemo! Yeah, see, when I eat foods that I don't really enjoy or find appealing because they are plain and boring I would rather just not eat. I have always been the all or nothing gal. I honestly am beginning to think I REALLY am a little OCD on some things, like how papers are arranged on my desk (they are always in the same spots) and I don't like things out of order. I have a specific routine for many things and if, for some reason, that routine gets out of order whether it be at work or at home I get very frustrated and feel as though I need to start over. (I know, OCD, right?) I am not psycho about it but I have actually realized that maybe I do have a lil issue. Well it's the same with eating and exercising. If I start my day with a protein shake (no morning appetite) and then supposed to have something healthy at lunch like chicken salad, then by lunch time I have done talked myself into going to taco bell instead because the chicken salad sounds B-O-R-I-N-G! So then I eat taco bell and feel that I have ruined my entire day and that I won't be able to try again until tomorrow!!!! So from that point I just eat whatever, however much I want and think "oh well, I will just try again tomorrow". I know what I am doing and that when I mess up I should just start again right after but I CAN'T. I feel like I have messed my body up for the day and that it only "magically" resets when I sleep at night. Why am I like this? Do you think I should see a therapist? Seriously! I am stuck!

As far as saving all of my calories for one meal, I know it's not how you are supposed to do it. But I have this mentality right now that as long as I try to stick to a pre op diet right now I can lose a few more pounds until I get to a fill that makes a difference. I know some of you told me to "let the band do it's job" but I can't because it's not doing its job yet and it's all up to me until it does. If I had will power I wouldn't have gotten banded so that's the problem. The only time I have gained some will power was during the pre op diet so I keep telling myself if I could just do that again I could lose more weight. I know I should be eating small meals and a couple of snacks. But I am soooo bored and lazy. When it comes to having to plan out several meals and snacks I just huff and puff and give up. I have been trying to cook dinner every night and just the thought of that makes me cringe so trying to prepare 3 meals and snacks is just too much of a hassle to me. (I know, I know, you wanna hang me up by my toes right about now) I know how damn lazy I sound but like so many of you have said, it is hard to change who you have always been and for me, I have always been an "eat at restaurants 90% of the time" kinda gal and I love my bad food. So the change is devastating to me as much as I want to be healthy and fit and improve myself and my confidence, part of me makes excuses to stay this way so I will have a reason to eat my favorite foods. Yup I need to see a shrink now. Ok I am done for now.

I found this super cool app on my i-phone and I thought I would share a few of the pics I made. It's really neato!

This is my Fancy pants being sketched

Me, in an antique frame. Actually that picture in the frame I took the other day in

memory of my Granny who passed away in February. The hand under the chin was her

signature pose and she was absolutely beautiful!(see below) God, I miss her.

Granny, I love you!

I am done for now. Fill tomorrow!!!! Thank goodness.